Megan
@crispybegonia.bsky.social
Squirrel enthusiast and sarcastic twit
Went to the gym for the first workout in weeks and left wondering if I could pay someone else to do it for me.
July 7, 2025 at 11:47 PM
Went to the gym for the first workout in weeks and left wondering if I could pay someone else to do it for me.
Don’t dwell on it, you say? Oh, I’m building a three story townhouse on it.
June 5, 2025 at 2:45 AM
Don’t dwell on it, you say? Oh, I’m building a three story townhouse on it.
At the clothing store hastily googling “what do I wear as a 35-year-old human person” while the employees sadly shake their heads at my ankle socks
April 16, 2025 at 1:47 AM
At the clothing store hastily googling “what do I wear as a 35-year-old human person” while the employees sadly shake their heads at my ankle socks
Couldn’t find any scissors, so I just hacked open a package of cheese with a chef’s knife like some feral mountain dweller.
April 12, 2025 at 12:12 AM
Couldn’t find any scissors, so I just hacked open a package of cheese with a chef’s knife like some feral mountain dweller.
Today at the gym, the trainer introduced battle ropes. I prefer Cold War ropes where you discuss maybe exercising for a while, but no actual physical exertion ever occurs.
March 25, 2025 at 5:43 PM
Today at the gym, the trainer introduced battle ropes. I prefer Cold War ropes where you discuss maybe exercising for a while, but no actual physical exertion ever occurs.
In “experiences I never anticipated having as an adult,” I met with a new financial advisor today and had to justify my k-pop expenditures to a 55-year-old white man.
March 10, 2025 at 11:51 PM
In “experiences I never anticipated having as an adult,” I met with a new financial advisor today and had to justify my k-pop expenditures to a 55-year-old white man.
Why can’t I have a normal son who doesn’t make prolonged eye contact like this?
March 1, 2025 at 10:15 PM
Why can’t I have a normal son who doesn’t make prolonged eye contact like this?
The trainer asked about my fitness goals: to take my arms from overcooked angel hair to al dente linguini.
February 26, 2025 at 12:25 AM
The trainer asked about my fitness goals: to take my arms from overcooked angel hair to al dente linguini.
After panic-booking an emergency dermatology appointment for an alarming rash, I realized it was chocolate that fell down my shirt and melted.
February 24, 2025 at 4:17 AM
After panic-booking an emergency dermatology appointment for an alarming rash, I realized it was chocolate that fell down my shirt and melted.
It may be bad behavior, but it’s keeping him busy so I’m just going to let it happen. Because I’m a good parent.
February 24, 2025 at 12:35 AM
It may be bad behavior, but it’s keeping him busy so I’m just going to let it happen. Because I’m a good parent.
Apparently my dog thinks having a brain storming session means cluster seizures.
February 19, 2025 at 3:24 AM
Apparently my dog thinks having a brain storming session means cluster seizures.
I spent [redacted] on tickets, travel, and hotels for this concert, but it will ultimately pay for itself. Seeing Taemin healed my soul, and I no longer need to pay for therapy.
February 14, 2025 at 5:43 PM
I spent [redacted] on tickets, travel, and hotels for this concert, but it will ultimately pay for itself. Seeing Taemin healed my soul, and I no longer need to pay for therapy.
The gym owner apologized for all the new member forms, unaware that I detest strenuous activity and that paperwork would be my favorite part of being there.
February 11, 2025 at 4:21 PM
The gym owner apologized for all the new member forms, unaware that I detest strenuous activity and that paperwork would be my favorite part of being there.
Pasta is the perfect way to add healthy variety to an all-bread diet and is definitely in no way just another form of bread.
February 9, 2025 at 7:24 PM
Pasta is the perfect way to add healthy variety to an all-bread diet and is definitely in no way just another form of bread.
Does it count as gender dysphoria if you’re as miserable of a whiny weenie as a man when you’re sick?
February 7, 2025 at 1:38 AM
Does it count as gender dysphoria if you’re as miserable of a whiny weenie as a man when you’re sick?
“Alexa, am I sick or has my body just lost the will to go on?”
February 3, 2025 at 9:06 PM
“Alexa, am I sick or has my body just lost the will to go on?”
(Sad violins playing) If only someone would give this poor orphan child some toys
February 3, 2025 at 12:27 AM
(Sad violins playing) If only someone would give this poor orphan child some toys
There’s half a foot of snow waiting for me to come home and plow it (just like your mom)
February 1, 2025 at 1:54 PM
There’s half a foot of snow waiting for me to come home and plow it (just like your mom)
If you consider that excuses are personally made, I’m practically an artisan.
January 29, 2025 at 12:33 AM
If you consider that excuses are personally made, I’m practically an artisan.
I no longer judge people whose dogs have zero manners because my little brat has negative fourteen.
January 28, 2025 at 5:08 PM
I no longer judge people whose dogs have zero manners because my little brat has negative fourteen.
Hm, there appears to be no setting on the washing machine for melted cheese smears. Technology has a long way to go.
January 27, 2025 at 9:46 PM
Hm, there appears to be no setting on the washing machine for melted cheese smears. Technology has a long way to go.
The best tip for going to bed without dreading the next day? Buy really good bread, then you can fall asleep every night gleefully anticipating waking up to eat toast.
January 27, 2025 at 3:10 PM
The best tip for going to bed without dreading the next day? Buy really good bread, then you can fall asleep every night gleefully anticipating waking up to eat toast.
Having a little brother summed up in a single expression
January 27, 2025 at 2:42 AM
Having a little brother summed up in a single expression
Cured my 3-year lack of motivation for writing and learning by buying $34 worth of adorable Japanese gel pens. Like I always say, purchase begets purpose.
January 27, 2025 at 2:14 AM
Cured my 3-year lack of motivation for writing and learning by buying $34 worth of adorable Japanese gel pens. Like I always say, purchase begets purpose.