CrackpotOpus
@crackpotopus.bsky.social
https://crackpotopus.substack.com
I'm Crackpotopus and this is CrackpotOpus. And I wanna save myself from a one-liner obituary. Only one way to do that.
I'm Crackpotopus and this is CrackpotOpus. And I wanna save myself from a one-liner obituary. Only one way to do that.
A vibe is a vibe, you can't say it's only a console limitation open.substack.com/pub/crackpot...
November 14, 2025 at 9:51 PM
A vibe is a vibe, you can't say it's only a console limitation open.substack.com/pub/crackpot...
From 2014 to 2021, there was a YouTube channel called Clapham Junction that posted nothing but banger albums. It was so good that commenters just talked about how much they loved the curated channel. Does anyone know what happened to it? Put it in the wayback machine www.youtube.com/channel/UCXe...
October 1, 2025 at 4:24 AM
From 2014 to 2021, there was a YouTube channel called Clapham Junction that posted nothing but banger albums. It was so good that commenters just talked about how much they loved the curated channel. Does anyone know what happened to it? Put it in the wayback machine www.youtube.com/channel/UCXe...
My grandpa was in the war and he said he would have shot Patrick over this
September 20, 2025 at 3:42 AM
My grandpa was in the war and he said he would have shot Patrick over this
I tell you what DMAA was something different
September 10, 2025 at 9:59 PM
I tell you what DMAA was something different
Every tutorial for heroin injections is like "This is a fun and chill vibe for the weekend" while every low flow restrictor removal tutorial is like "This is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. THIS VIDEO IS JUST FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. FOLLOW ALL YOUR LOCAL LAWS!!!!"
August 14, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Every tutorial for heroin injections is like "This is a fun and chill vibe for the weekend" while every low flow restrictor removal tutorial is like "This is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. THIS VIDEO IS JUST FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. FOLLOW ALL YOUR LOCAL LAWS!!!!"
They have been force-feeding me at the TESLA Diner for 9 hours now. I'm chained to a vegan leather seat forced to shovel $12 Epic Bacon in my mouth while livestreaming to tesla shareholders via Pi Tablet. Someone comes off mute. It's Musk. He says, "hold up spork". I hold it up
July 24, 2025 at 2:38 AM
They have been force-feeding me at the TESLA Diner for 9 hours now. I'm chained to a vegan leather seat forced to shovel $12 Epic Bacon in my mouth while livestreaming to tesla shareholders via Pi Tablet. Someone comes off mute. It's Musk. He says, "hold up spork". I hold it up
More like Kurt Vonneroidgut. Goddamn
July 18, 2025 at 12:33 AM
More like Kurt Vonneroidgut. Goddamn
Chilling in a time that was, and may never be again
July 6, 2025 at 12:06 AM
Chilling in a time that was, and may never be again
I've never done anything in my life that made me feel as nauseatingly awful as this
April 23, 2025 at 5:19 AM
I've never done anything in my life that made me feel as nauseatingly awful as this
Crazy how you can watch The Lazer Collection 3 once as a kid and have your humor button broken for life
April 20, 2025 at 1:36 AM
Crazy how you can watch The Lazer Collection 3 once as a kid and have your humor button broken for life
Internet Explorer 11 was actually the best web browser, but nobody is ready for this conversation
March 31, 2025 at 1:35 AM
Internet Explorer 11 was actually the best web browser, but nobody is ready for this conversation
look. We ALL know Sid the Science Kid grew up to be Allosexual. But do we really need to hear about it every 5 seconds?
March 25, 2025 at 2:16 AM
look. We ALL know Sid the Science Kid grew up to be Allosexual. But do we really need to hear about it every 5 seconds?
Giving Jack Sparrow a dad sucked ass. It demystifies the lore surrounding the character. He's a wildcard that Elizabeth and Will can't trust, but bumbles through the plot with suave and charisma. By the end of these movies Jack has the lore of a deviantart OC
March 2, 2025 at 2:56 AM
Giving Jack Sparrow a dad sucked ass. It demystifies the lore surrounding the character. He's a wildcard that Elizabeth and Will can't trust, but bumbles through the plot with suave and charisma. By the end of these movies Jack has the lore of a deviantart OC
Polar Express (2004)
February 22, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Polar Express (2004)
I DON'T hope this email finds you well. I hope it had to go through every possible server and ends as the bottom of the queue. I hope it gets flagged as junk and spam AND that it gets autodeleted so that you never find it. The authentication for the Sonic Drive-In account is GONE
February 7, 2025 at 9:08 PM
I DON'T hope this email finds you well. I hope it had to go through every possible server and ends as the bottom of the queue. I hope it gets flagged as junk and spam AND that it gets autodeleted so that you never find it. The authentication for the Sonic Drive-In account is GONE
What if there was a toaster that just fucking shoots you?
February 5, 2025 at 2:23 AM
What if there was a toaster that just fucking shoots you?
Me and the boys in second grade discussing the George Lopez episode you stayed up late to watch after the Full House block when mom thought you were asleep
February 4, 2025 at 4:13 AM
Me and the boys in second grade discussing the George Lopez episode you stayed up late to watch after the Full House block when mom thought you were asleep
Man, billboards south of the Mason-Dixon Line can get pretty weird
February 2, 2025 at 6:37 PM
Man, billboards south of the Mason-Dixon Line can get pretty weird
We're not some stuffy cubicle farm. We work hard, with a twist :)
And they wonder why nobody wants to return to the office
And they wonder why nobody wants to return to the office
February 1, 2025 at 7:06 PM
We're not some stuffy cubicle farm. We work hard, with a twist :)
And they wonder why nobody wants to return to the office
And they wonder why nobody wants to return to the office
If I could snap my fingers and remove eggshell gray from every wall, ceiling, and floor in the world I would. The Siege of Cathage would look like mercy compared to the total eggshell gray annihilation. I won't stop until the thought of it is a distant memory that fades with time
February 1, 2025 at 6:28 PM
If I could snap my fingers and remove eggshell gray from every wall, ceiling, and floor in the world I would. The Siege of Cathage would look like mercy compared to the total eggshell gray annihilation. I won't stop until the thought of it is a distant memory that fades with time
For all you goofs coming over from TikTok here's some new rules to catch you up
⚪Everyone is suffering. Despite the infinite knowledge of the information age, we have all chosen bondage. We've found comfort in powerlessness and safety in outrage without action
⚪Everyone is suffering. Despite the infinite knowledge of the information age, we have all chosen bondage. We've found comfort in powerlessness and safety in outrage without action
January 19, 2025 at 6:44 PM
For all you goofs coming over from TikTok here's some new rules to catch you up
⚪Everyone is suffering. Despite the infinite knowledge of the information age, we have all chosen bondage. We've found comfort in powerlessness and safety in outrage without action
⚪Everyone is suffering. Despite the infinite knowledge of the information age, we have all chosen bondage. We've found comfort in powerlessness and safety in outrage without action
My warm friends at the Jefferson Park Transit Center
January 18, 2025 at 7:35 PM
My warm friends at the Jefferson Park Transit Center
I’m a fluoride fiend. Catch me in the kitchen guzzling tap water. I use enough of the stuff that it could probably turn the frogs straight again. But when Colgate took away the only non-mint fluoride toothpaste, I wasn't gonna go out silently open.substack.com/pub/crackpot...
January 17, 2025 at 10:36 PM
I’m a fluoride fiend. Catch me in the kitchen guzzling tap water. I use enough of the stuff that it could probably turn the frogs straight again. But when Colgate took away the only non-mint fluoride toothpaste, I wasn't gonna go out silently open.substack.com/pub/crackpot...
99% of comp-sci graduates will NEVER be able to answer this question
January 4, 2025 at 7:21 PM
99% of comp-sci graduates will NEVER be able to answer this question
open.substack.com/pub/crackpot...
If Gym and Health were Taught Like Any Other Class in School, the Smartest Students Would Also Be the Fittest
If Gym and Health were Taught Like Any Other Class in School, the Smartest Students Would Also Be the Fittest
January 3, 2025 at 12:26 AM
open.substack.com/pub/crackpot...
If Gym and Health were Taught Like Any Other Class in School, the Smartest Students Would Also Be the Fittest
If Gym and Health were Taught Like Any Other Class in School, the Smartest Students Would Also Be the Fittest