Carl "Arby's" Cunkleman, CEO of Plowing Your Mom
@crab-rangooner.bsky.social
I shitpost on main while I beat my meat to furry porn.
Fuck my ex-wife, Deborah, and her new boyfriend, Tony.
🔞 ALL POSTS ARE SATIRE AND NOT INDICATIVE OF REAL WORLD ACTIVITIES!
Fuck my ex-wife, Deborah, and her new boyfriend, Tony.
🔞 ALL POSTS ARE SATIRE AND NOT INDICATIVE OF REAL WORLD ACTIVITIES!
Christmas is comin up.
Me and the boys finna get together and play Strip Scrabble while drinking eggnog wock. It's basically just the shit you make by pouring NyQuil into Sprite, but we just use eggnog instead of Sprite.
Me and the boys finna get together and play Strip Scrabble while drinking eggnog wock. It's basically just the shit you make by pouring NyQuil into Sprite, but we just use eggnog instead of Sprite.
December 23, 2025 at 9:43 PM
Christmas is comin up.
Me and the boys finna get together and play Strip Scrabble while drinking eggnog wock. It's basically just the shit you make by pouring NyQuil into Sprite, but we just use eggnog instead of Sprite.
Me and the boys finna get together and play Strip Scrabble while drinking eggnog wock. It's basically just the shit you make by pouring NyQuil into Sprite, but we just use eggnog instead of Sprite.
Finna hit up the club and throw nickels at all the strippers, because that's all I had left in the change jar.
I used all my quarters at the bowling alley arcade last weekend trying to win a giant stuffed bear to shove my limited edition Freddy Fazbear Fleshlight into.
I used all my quarters at the bowling alley arcade last weekend trying to win a giant stuffed bear to shove my limited edition Freddy Fazbear Fleshlight into.
December 21, 2025 at 4:07 AM
Finna hit up the club and throw nickels at all the strippers, because that's all I had left in the change jar.
I used all my quarters at the bowling alley arcade last weekend trying to win a giant stuffed bear to shove my limited edition Freddy Fazbear Fleshlight into.
I used all my quarters at the bowling alley arcade last weekend trying to win a giant stuffed bear to shove my limited edition Freddy Fazbear Fleshlight into.
Accidentally sent my hb a picture of my cock and bro sent me an in depth review and critique. He even used some shit in the background to guess the approximate length and girth with shockingly accurate results.
He also sent me a link to his OF that I didn't know he had and a job application.
He also sent me a link to his OF that I didn't know he had and a job application.
December 19, 2025 at 10:12 AM
Accidentally sent my hb a picture of my cock and bro sent me an in depth review and critique. He even used some shit in the background to guess the approximate length and girth with shockingly accurate results.
He also sent me a link to his OF that I didn't know he had and a job application.
He also sent me a link to his OF that I didn't know he had and a job application.
Who the fuck tryna get they tiddies sucked, ass ate, and taxes evaded?
I'm not your guy on the first two, but I gotchu on the third one.
I'm not your guy on the first two, but I gotchu on the third one.
December 13, 2025 at 10:12 AM
Who the fuck tryna get they tiddies sucked, ass ate, and taxes evaded?
I'm not your guy on the first two, but I gotchu on the third one.
I'm not your guy on the first two, but I gotchu on the third one.
Peakin' off the Turbo Taint Blasters so hard that I unlocked Bluetooth mode.
I have transcended reality itself and become a niche inter-dimensional micro celebrity.
I have seen God and I was not impressed.
I sold Moses a gram of pure Ugandan Lion Dick Dandruff.
Y'all can't fuck with me.
I have transcended reality itself and become a niche inter-dimensional micro celebrity.
I have seen God and I was not impressed.
I sold Moses a gram of pure Ugandan Lion Dick Dandruff.
Y'all can't fuck with me.
December 13, 2025 at 10:07 AM
Peakin' off the Turbo Taint Blasters so hard that I unlocked Bluetooth mode.
I have transcended reality itself and become a niche inter-dimensional micro celebrity.
I have seen God and I was not impressed.
I sold Moses a gram of pure Ugandan Lion Dick Dandruff.
Y'all can't fuck with me.
I have transcended reality itself and become a niche inter-dimensional micro celebrity.
I have seen God and I was not impressed.
I sold Moses a gram of pure Ugandan Lion Dick Dandruff.
Y'all can't fuck with me.
To the AI bros that inadvertently caused this whole RAM crisis, I genuinely hope your wife cheats on you, takes the kids, and leaves you with nothing.
Even then, I'll bet you'd still ask ChatGPT how to tie a noose.
Fuckin' dumbasses.
Even then, I'll bet you'd still ask ChatGPT how to tie a noose.
Fuckin' dumbasses.
December 11, 2025 at 6:57 PM
To the AI bros that inadvertently caused this whole RAM crisis, I genuinely hope your wife cheats on you, takes the kids, and leaves you with nothing.
Even then, I'll bet you'd still ask ChatGPT how to tie a noose.
Fuckin' dumbasses.
Even then, I'll bet you'd still ask ChatGPT how to tie a noose.
Fuckin' dumbasses.
Sold my stepson's percs for exactly $641.53. Now he won't shut the hell up about tooth pain.
Don't you worry, little jit. Once I'm done in the casino, we'll buy you some shit that'll make you forget you even had teeth in the first place.
Don't you worry, little jit. Once I'm done in the casino, we'll buy you some shit that'll make you forget you even had teeth in the first place.
December 10, 2025 at 12:58 PM
Sold my stepson's percs for exactly $641.53. Now he won't shut the hell up about tooth pain.
Don't you worry, little jit. Once I'm done in the casino, we'll buy you some shit that'll make you forget you even had teeth in the first place.
Don't you worry, little jit. Once I'm done in the casino, we'll buy you some shit that'll make you forget you even had teeth in the first place.
Insinuating that this account is run by AI is insulting.
AI stands for "artificial intelligence" and I can say for certain that there is very little intelligence involved in this shit and the only artificial thing about me is the government programming that makes me wanna fuck dudes.
AI stands for "artificial intelligence" and I can say for certain that there is very little intelligence involved in this shit and the only artificial thing about me is the government programming that makes me wanna fuck dudes.
December 10, 2025 at 3:51 AM
Insinuating that this account is run by AI is insulting.
AI stands for "artificial intelligence" and I can say for certain that there is very little intelligence involved in this shit and the only artificial thing about me is the government programming that makes me wanna fuck dudes.
AI stands for "artificial intelligence" and I can say for certain that there is very little intelligence involved in this shit and the only artificial thing about me is the government programming that makes me wanna fuck dudes.
Coughed up a lung after vaping the homie's nut for a Big Mac.
I could've just sucked him off, but I had to prove a point.
I could've just sucked him off, but I had to prove a point.
December 10, 2025 at 3:48 AM
Coughed up a lung after vaping the homie's nut for a Big Mac.
I could've just sucked him off, but I had to prove a point.
I could've just sucked him off, but I had to prove a point.
H.R. pulled me aside talm'bout some fuckin' "inappropriate workplace conduct" bullshit.
All I did was ask Jenny from the billing department if it sounded like a nearly empty ketchup bottle.
I also asked the H.R. rep if she'd show me how those tits fart, but that's not important.
All I did was ask Jenny from the billing department if it sounded like a nearly empty ketchup bottle.
I also asked the H.R. rep if she'd show me how those tits fart, but that's not important.
December 9, 2025 at 6:52 AM
H.R. pulled me aside talm'bout some fuckin' "inappropriate workplace conduct" bullshit.
All I did was ask Jenny from the billing department if it sounded like a nearly empty ketchup bottle.
I also asked the H.R. rep if she'd show me how those tits fart, but that's not important.
All I did was ask Jenny from the billing department if it sounded like a nearly empty ketchup bottle.
I also asked the H.R. rep if she'd show me how those tits fart, but that's not important.
The hoes call me "Arby's" because I have the meat... That and I never said it was good, but at least it's filling and readily available despite the low demand.
December 9, 2025 at 6:41 AM
The hoes call me "Arby's" because I have the meat... That and I never said it was good, but at least it's filling and readily available despite the low demand.
I'm just tryna get some MILF pussy, but these ads keep asking for my social security number! 'Boutta hit up my homie's aunt and ask her how satisfied she is with her marriage.
December 9, 2025 at 2:32 AM
I'm just tryna get some MILF pussy, but these ads keep asking for my social security number! 'Boutta hit up my homie's aunt and ask her how satisfied she is with her marriage.
How do I tell the waitress at this Waffle House that I want her to obliterate my prostate and choke me into submission like it's a professional MMA fight?
Asking for a friend.
Asking for a friend.
December 3, 2025 at 7:28 AM
How do I tell the waitress at this Waffle House that I want her to obliterate my prostate and choke me into submission like it's a professional MMA fight?
Asking for a friend.
Asking for a friend.
Spent the last month neck deep in the shit.
I was baptized in the sweet nectar of no less than 12 Albanian prostitutes' piss, sweat, and cum.
At least 6 Colombian drug dealers are now dead.
I'm pulling up to the Casino in a fresh Givenchy suit and a blood stained Rolex.
I have truly been reborn.
I was baptized in the sweet nectar of no less than 12 Albanian prostitutes' piss, sweat, and cum.
At least 6 Colombian drug dealers are now dead.
I'm pulling up to the Casino in a fresh Givenchy suit and a blood stained Rolex.
I have truly been reborn.
November 22, 2025 at 4:52 AM
Spent the last month neck deep in the shit.
I was baptized in the sweet nectar of no less than 12 Albanian prostitutes' piss, sweat, and cum.
At least 6 Colombian drug dealers are now dead.
I'm pulling up to the Casino in a fresh Givenchy suit and a blood stained Rolex.
I have truly been reborn.
I was baptized in the sweet nectar of no less than 12 Albanian prostitutes' piss, sweat, and cum.
At least 6 Colombian drug dealers are now dead.
I'm pulling up to the Casino in a fresh Givenchy suit and a blood stained Rolex.
I have truly been reborn.
Caught the homie blastin' mad rope to clown porn. I'm a little offended he didn't invite me, tbh.
October 18, 2025 at 3:53 AM
Caught the homie blastin' mad rope to clown porn. I'm a little offended he didn't invite me, tbh.
Stuck my cock in a bottle of Pepto because I needed something wet and pink. 💯
October 17, 2025 at 7:48 AM
Stuck my cock in a bottle of Pepto because I needed something wet and pink. 💯
Need me a bitch that'll come home, punch me in the face, and immediately throw on a 12 inch strap on to destroy my bussy.
October 14, 2025 at 5:07 AM
Need me a bitch that'll come home, punch me in the face, and immediately throw on a 12 inch strap on to destroy my bussy.
Halloween's coming up.
Need me some spooky coochie.
Need me some spooky coochie.
October 14, 2025 at 4:23 AM
Halloween's coming up.
Need me some spooky coochie.
Need me some spooky coochie.
Need me a bitch that's built like Mei from Overwatch, frfr.
September 30, 2025 at 7:11 PM
Need me a bitch that's built like Mei from Overwatch, frfr.
MFs that say "I can fix her" can't even fix themselves.
It's me.
I'm MFs.
It's me.
I'm MFs.
September 25, 2025 at 1:11 AM
MFs that say "I can fix her" can't even fix themselves.
It's me.
I'm MFs.
It's me.
I'm MFs.
The waitress at this Waffle House wrote her number on the napkin.
I ain't know wtf to do, so I fucking ate it right in front of her without breaking eye contact.
I ain't know wtf to do, so I fucking ate it right in front of her without breaking eye contact.
September 23, 2025 at 11:23 PM
The waitress at this Waffle House wrote her number on the napkin.
I ain't know wtf to do, so I fucking ate it right in front of her without breaking eye contact.
I ain't know wtf to do, so I fucking ate it right in front of her without breaking eye contact.
Since BlueSky's banning porn, any OF hoes need 3 inches of satisfaction to make short form content once this well dries up?
Not like "YT Shorts" or "TikTok" short, but more like "a 2 second looping GIF" short.
Not like "YT Shorts" or "TikTok" short, but more like "a 2 second looping GIF" short.
September 23, 2025 at 12:17 AM
Since BlueSky's banning porn, any OF hoes need 3 inches of satisfaction to make short form content once this well dries up?
Not like "YT Shorts" or "TikTok" short, but more like "a 2 second looping GIF" short.
Not like "YT Shorts" or "TikTok" short, but more like "a 2 second looping GIF" short.
Flavored condoms taste more like regret than whatever the fuck they say they taste like on the package.
September 23, 2025 at 12:14 AM
Flavored condoms taste more like regret than whatever the fuck they say they taste like on the package.
Bro, what the fuck?!
BlueSky really finna ban my goon slop and my bootleg LaBuBu business ain't making shit anymore!
I can't afford a VPN subscription to watch mid porn on the hub, so what the fuck is the point of this shit?
BlueSky really finna ban my goon slop and my bootleg LaBuBu business ain't making shit anymore!
I can't afford a VPN subscription to watch mid porn on the hub, so what the fuck is the point of this shit?
September 21, 2025 at 8:46 PM
Bro, what the fuck?!
BlueSky really finna ban my goon slop and my bootleg LaBuBu business ain't making shit anymore!
I can't afford a VPN subscription to watch mid porn on the hub, so what the fuck is the point of this shit?
BlueSky really finna ban my goon slop and my bootleg LaBuBu business ain't making shit anymore!
I can't afford a VPN subscription to watch mid porn on the hub, so what the fuck is the point of this shit?
Fucking Deborah took all my money in the divorce!
If I can't move these bootleg LaBuBus by Halloween, I'mma have to give out these fuckin' surplus Rhino Pills that I bought thinkin' I could sell them to my buyers in the nursing home.
Fuck!
If I can't move these bootleg LaBuBus by Halloween, I'mma have to give out these fuckin' surplus Rhino Pills that I bought thinkin' I could sell them to my buyers in the nursing home.
Fuck!
September 20, 2025 at 4:17 PM
Fucking Deborah took all my money in the divorce!
If I can't move these bootleg LaBuBus by Halloween, I'mma have to give out these fuckin' surplus Rhino Pills that I bought thinkin' I could sell them to my buyers in the nursing home.
Fuck!
If I can't move these bootleg LaBuBus by Halloween, I'mma have to give out these fuckin' surplus Rhino Pills that I bought thinkin' I could sell them to my buyers in the nursing home.
Fuck!