i genuinely would rather be at the cafe with worse pay and no healthcare than to be at this job at this point

i love producing and editing and the studio team, but i hate how under paid and over worked i am, how shitty certain people are, the constant push to use ai, and just the capitalism of it all. it feels like im selling my soul

even with being high, i feel off especially if it's a thc derivative and not the real shit. ill never give up shrooms tho. but i also dont use them recreationally so it's different

covid ruined my chance at having a proper college experience 😭 i went to like 2-3 house parties in college before covid hit

would prefer to not have to do either for like 3-4 more years so i can be more financially secure and cuz i dont hate my town. but with everything looking the way it does. i may have to. canada sucks too but it's still better than here

i miss the cafe and my coworkers tho. and also the chai lattes 🤤

the middle of 2023 to now has fucking been so mentally exhausting and i feel like ive lost myself cuz i cant fully function due to all the stress ive been under. im so excited to graduate so i can live again

if it weren't for our fear of having to flee the state/country, i'd move into her apartment. but we wanna save up so she'll come to mine cuz my parents are rly chill

i genuinely was not expecting this 5 months ago and it wouldn't have happened without a friend telling me abt an internship but im so glad it did cuz i dont have to work at the cafe or attempt to do freelance and struggle. i still wanna do freelance tho

but also i have pcos and i havent experienced what having pcos without hormonal birth control or hrt is like since 2017. and im on nexplanon so i dont need hormonal birth control when i stop hrt. so maybe i wont even feel like i need testosterone cuz my body produces more of it to begin with lmaoo

and i can always get back on testosterone should i feel the desire. but i do worry that ill lose access to hrt with the current political climate. and that's prolly my biggest worry about stopping now, cuz what if i lose my chance to get back on it for a while longer?

and most recently ive been dealing with vaginal atrophy which sucks ass so much. ik estrogen cream can help but i feel like the effects i dont want from t outweigh the effects i do want at this point