The lion creates his own morals and values as a step in his personal development

In my next relationship I should be the kind of guy that says yummers

Just got groped so fucking hard by the TSA. Fuck this shit

Taking notes on Marx in a coffee shop has me feeling so performative but luckily I forgave myself through the Truth of socialism.

Saying coral is your favorite animal is elite ball knowledge

Another day another nothing at the unemployment factory

I want to go to Central Asia so fucking bad

Who tf spiked my pitcher of spotted cow, Moscow mule, dirty Shirley, rum and coke, 2 tequila sodas, Long Island, and pbr???

Buying toothpaste so your roommate doesn’t know you’ve been using his is kind of like faking tasks in among us

If OKC wins then peace with Iran will be impossible

Another long shift at the unemployment factory

Every time I go to Taco Bell I feel like a gross fat pig rummaging through that bag eating fist fulls of chicken quesadilla. Like I can’t believe my only option when I don’t have time to pack a lunch is to pay $6 for like 500 calories of pure slop

As a liberal atheist, I believe conservatives must renounce the evil in their heart and accept the loving embrace of government subsidies.

Do you think it was Thomas Jefferson that was like Dudes… what if we put a treasure hunt on the back of this thing