According to the Internet, if I hit my 30th birthday on the 7th of this month without losing my virginity, I will be a wizard - unless someone tries to take my magic away from me, I shall hope for the ability to use nature magic to grow infinite amounts of jalapeños and rice

I like my ice CRUSHED 🧊

Being horny on main is a pain when you’re single, so if you’re like I am right now good luck to you

If I were to have any one Pokémon do my taxes for me, I’d want Zorua - not because I would think it would work out, but because I’d have an excuse not to put it off for fear of being audited and/or arrested for identity theft

Living in Arizona, I have come to realize that I want to go somewhere cold to have hot, steamy sex with one or more guys and/or girls before cuddling close to each other for warmth

Had the urge at six in the morning to eat an entire jar of salsa with some chips while watching Netflix - whoever said to not listen to the Devil on your shoulder clearly didn’t get mine