so far today iv had a bowl of cereal n i cooked pasta w cheese sauce which i hadnt done in AGES (i usually live off sandwiches) buttt ik 3 meals a day is the guideline so u can make me a meal :)

this is what it feels like to not be lonely

oh n also the human race is not doomed and we all have inherent goodness n i wanna even forgive ppl who are a bit shit

i just wanna make her happy , and i want to be like her

i want her confidence, her carefree nature, her huge support network, her sexiness, her beauty. her realness, compassion and the way she doesnt really ever look down on anyone

im so glad she's not annoyed or upset w me. when she thought i was upset w her she actually looked so sad like my feelings towards her actually mattered to her even tho she's way out of my league. im filled with, not blind infatuation ; but pure, wholesome love

update i saw this message from my mum from yesterday. i never really talk to her about feeling sad unless it was about someone dying or something. it feels scary. if she asks i might actually talk to her openly tho

she wont like it. every time in the past iv tried to have this conversation she RUNS

this was TEN YEARS ago. why do i still cry thinking about it ????

it is 2:20am. im trying to go back in some way but i cant - she doesnt wanna know me any more. everyone's grown up n left school

but i feel like if i reconnect w some old school friends itll heal something in me (my mum stopped me seeing them n never let me say goodbye)

i have to try to care for my own mental health n i think i can do that whilst still helping. i just dont want ppl to get abused i wish no one ever was abused

fingers crossed the guy goes to prison (hes got a court case coming up cuz someone else accused him of rape) i bet he did it

im so happy i know the place with the youth workers i took her to. bc they know what to say and do and they genuinely care about people. (technically she's only just too old, 25, but youth worker had a chat w her anyway n can still help her get help)

its heavy. todays only the 2nd time iv met her n we haven't texted loads but she seems lovely. i havent been through exactly what she's going through but i relate a little about being attached to someone abusive & choosing to keep them in my life

im obviously not feeling great about this whole situation. i cant force her to stay away from him but at the same time i feel like, cuz she's confided in me i feel responsible to try to stop anything bad happening to her

this is a lot :(