never forget

I'm putting lad through entirely new kinds of fun interpersonal and intimate horrors these days (ophie) which I also love but I do wanna see that monumental obsessive yearning again lmao

spraying their cologne/perfume on a pillow and stuffing his face in it and jerking off to it and crying while he jerks off and crying when he has sex and don't even get me started on the arousal from getting beat up or whatever

he's still submissive and pathetic and horny but he's much less, uh, obsessive about it. but I kind of miss it, I kind of want to put him in that dynamic again, him screaming internally about how much he wants someone and getting all sweaty and panicky about it

I'm so mild about sex now (comparatively) and it reflects on lad too, especially since it's been a long time since I gave green lad much focus. but a part of me like. yearns for it lmao