Comedy Accelerator
@comedyaccelerator.bsky.social
I'm Dr. Dan. I write the jokes. I accelerate comedians-- standups, comedy writers, storytellers, speakers, all the peeps. (All levels, even pros.) Emmy-nom'd late night writer. Rhetoric PhD. Make money with your weird mind, man...
Pinned
"Cats in the Cradle" is a melancholy folk song about two douchebags.
Whoever you were, guy who was chanting in one of the bathroom stalls at the gym this morning, I want you to know that you’ve ruined Buddhism for me forever.
December 23, 2025 at 7:07 PM
Whoever you were, guy who was chanting in one of the bathroom stalls at the gym this morning, I want you to know that you’ve ruined Buddhism for me forever.
In the long awaited follow-up, 82-year-old Wallace Shawn and 91-year-old Andre Gregory sparkle in “My Threesome with Andre.”
December 17, 2025 at 9:11 PM
In the long awaited follow-up, 82-year-old Wallace Shawn and 91-year-old Andre Gregory sparkle in “My Threesome with Andre.”
White dudes have done so much to hurt our brand.
December 15, 2025 at 8:27 PM
White dudes have done so much to hurt our brand.
Putting my will together. Anyone want my shoe strings? The shoes are going to my kids.
December 13, 2025 at 11:30 PM
Putting my will together. Anyone want my shoe strings? The shoes are going to my kids.
You’re like a third cousin six times removed who I never met and don’t care about to me.
December 13, 2025 at 11:28 PM
You’re like a third cousin six times removed who I never met and don’t care about to me.
“Bless me, father, for I have sinned. It’s been six minutes since my last confession.”
December 13, 2025 at 11:24 PM
“Bless me, father, for I have sinned. It’s been six minutes since my last confession.”
NYC is one good rat recipe away from having no rat problem.
December 11, 2025 at 11:36 PM
NYC is one good rat recipe away from having no rat problem.
“How do you like your drugs delivered?” “Dissolved into a steaming hot cappuccino, served by a cynical but attractive low-wage worker, while wearing my earbuds so I can’t hear the humans crowded around me in a pastiche-friendly public space! You?”
December 10, 2025 at 1:54 PM
“How do you like your drugs delivered?” “Dissolved into a steaming hot cappuccino, served by a cynical but attractive low-wage worker, while wearing my earbuds so I can’t hear the humans crowded around me in a pastiche-friendly public space! You?”
Sorry, busy reading a recap of last week’s Matlock.
December 5, 2025 at 4:03 PM
Sorry, busy reading a recap of last week’s Matlock.
Caribou can read marmot’s minds. We don’t know why, but isn’t nature amazing?
November 29, 2025 at 12:22 AM
Caribou can read marmot’s minds. We don’t know why, but isn’t nature amazing?
Godspeed? The universe has been here for 14 billion years. The last thing you want to wish people is Godspeed.
November 28, 2025 at 9:31 PM
Godspeed? The universe has been here for 14 billion years. The last thing you want to wish people is Godspeed.
I don’t sing the National Anthem, I mime it. Patriot!
November 27, 2025 at 9:36 PM
I don’t sing the National Anthem, I mime it. Patriot!
I miss drunk Pat Summerall calling the Tgiv games. “Man, the Lions suck -- again! Hey, Madden, get that turkey leg out of your face and do some work. Damn, my liver hurts.”
November 27, 2025 at 8:54 PM
I miss drunk Pat Summerall calling the Tgiv games. “Man, the Lions suck -- again! Hey, Madden, get that turkey leg out of your face and do some work. Damn, my liver hurts.”
Conservative grandfather napping, worn out from loudly disowning all the libtards in his family around the Thanksgiving table.
November 27, 2025 at 8:32 PM
Conservative grandfather napping, worn out from loudly disowning all the libtards in his family around the Thanksgiving table.
Weed cornbread. The true secret to a mellow Thanksgiving.
November 27, 2025 at 2:23 PM
Weed cornbread. The true secret to a mellow Thanksgiving.
SWAT team called to suburban neighborhood, where heavily armed turkey is holed up in family's home, screaming that they were about to eat his soul mate.
November 27, 2025 at 2:05 PM
SWAT team called to suburban neighborhood, where heavily armed turkey is holed up in family's home, screaming that they were about to eat his soul mate.
“12 Angry Men” seems like a low estimate.
November 26, 2025 at 9:12 PM
“12 Angry Men” seems like a low estimate.
I do far away magic. Like, way, way over there I’m making a rabbit disappear. Or appear. Or it may be a marmot. Hard to tell from here.
November 25, 2025 at 10:48 PM
I do far away magic. Like, way, way over there I’m making a rabbit disappear. Or appear. Or it may be a marmot. Hard to tell from here.
I carry pepper spray in case someone wants to involve me in small talk.
November 24, 2025 at 5:44 PM
I carry pepper spray in case someone wants to involve me in small talk.
The Inuits have 100 words for snow. And over 7,000 words for cold nipples.
November 24, 2025 at 3:46 AM
The Inuits have 100 words for snow. And over 7,000 words for cold nipples.
I'm directly descended from the guy who invented 23 and Me.
November 24, 2025 at 3:22 AM
I'm directly descended from the guy who invented 23 and Me.
"Cats in the Cradle" is a melancholy folk song about two douchebags.
November 24, 2025 at 3:02 AM
"Cats in the Cradle" is a melancholy folk song about two douchebags.
There's no way the original songwriter of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" thought it was going to be a massive hit.
November 24, 2025 at 2:53 AM
There's no way the original songwriter of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" thought it was going to be a massive hit.