Cody Walker
@codydoescomedy.bsky.social
Cat wrangler and joke distributor
*The year 2060*
Me: AND WE USED TO HAVE 2 DOLLAR MOVIE NIGHTS AT THE THEATERS, FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS USED TO SELL MULTIPLE ITEMS FOR ONLY ONE DOLLAR, RENTING USED TO BE AFFORDABLE!
Children wearing gas masks and UV protection suits: sure, whatever you say grandpa
Me: AND WE USED TO HAVE 2 DOLLAR MOVIE NIGHTS AT THE THEATERS, FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS USED TO SELL MULTIPLE ITEMS FOR ONLY ONE DOLLAR, RENTING USED TO BE AFFORDABLE!
Children wearing gas masks and UV protection suits: sure, whatever you say grandpa
December 20, 2025 at 8:47 PM
*The year 2060*
Me: AND WE USED TO HAVE 2 DOLLAR MOVIE NIGHTS AT THE THEATERS, FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS USED TO SELL MULTIPLE ITEMS FOR ONLY ONE DOLLAR, RENTING USED TO BE AFFORDABLE!
Children wearing gas masks and UV protection suits: sure, whatever you say grandpa
Me: AND WE USED TO HAVE 2 DOLLAR MOVIE NIGHTS AT THE THEATERS, FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS USED TO SELL MULTIPLE ITEMS FOR ONLY ONE DOLLAR, RENTING USED TO BE AFFORDABLE!
Children wearing gas masks and UV protection suits: sure, whatever you say grandpa
When I was a teen I turned all my parents alcohol bottles into water.
I was like a reverse Jesus
I was like a reverse Jesus
December 16, 2025 at 7:19 PM
When I was a teen I turned all my parents alcohol bottles into water.
I was like a reverse Jesus
I was like a reverse Jesus
Start the holidays off right this month by sending people unsigned Christmas cards with no return address that just say
"I KNOW WHAT U DID"
"I KNOW WHAT U DID"
December 3, 2025 at 1:44 AM
Start the holidays off right this month by sending people unsigned Christmas cards with no return address that just say
"I KNOW WHAT U DID"
"I KNOW WHAT U DID"
The year is 2070. The crowd watches as a wrinkled old man is covered in angry fire ants and has anteaters eat them off his body.
The crowd erupts into laughter and
I am in utter disbelief.
How the fuck is Steve-o still alive?
The crowd erupts into laughter and
I am in utter disbelief.
How the fuck is Steve-o still alive?
December 1, 2025 at 12:43 AM
The year is 2070. The crowd watches as a wrinkled old man is covered in angry fire ants and has anteaters eat them off his body.
The crowd erupts into laughter and
I am in utter disbelief.
How the fuck is Steve-o still alive?
The crowd erupts into laughter and
I am in utter disbelief.
How the fuck is Steve-o still alive?
So many people put their Instagram handle on their cars now and instead of putting your own I think you should put your enemies I.G. handle on your car and then drive like an asshole
November 21, 2025 at 7:56 PM
So many people put their Instagram handle on their cars now and instead of putting your own I think you should put your enemies I.G. handle on your car and then drive like an asshole
All wheelchair accessible ramps should have a launch pad like Hot Wheels and a loop de loop, let's put the fun back into functionally disabled
November 20, 2025 at 7:52 PM
All wheelchair accessible ramps should have a launch pad like Hot Wheels and a loop de loop, let's put the fun back into functionally disabled
November 14, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Honestly Trump blowing Clinton is the most surprising thing out of all this because Trump's such a narcissist that the only dick I can imagine him ever sucking is his own
#EpsteinFiles
#trump
#EpsteinFiles
#trump
November 14, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Honestly Trump blowing Clinton is the most surprising thing out of all this because Trump's such a narcissist that the only dick I can imagine him ever sucking is his own
#EpsteinFiles
#trump
#EpsteinFiles
#trump
Is doing jazz hands racist?
Idk why but it feels kinda
*does jazz hands* racist
Idk why but it feels kinda
*does jazz hands* racist
November 13, 2025 at 6:54 PM
Is doing jazz hands racist?
Idk why but it feels kinda
*does jazz hands* racist
Idk why but it feels kinda
*does jazz hands* racist
WE USED TO GET MAGAZINES WITH COLOGNE IMPRINTED ON THE PAGES AND WE'D RUB THE FOLDS ONTO OUR FLESH TO SMELL SEXY
November 12, 2025 at 6:56 PM
WE USED TO GET MAGAZINES WITH COLOGNE IMPRINTED ON THE PAGES AND WE'D RUB THE FOLDS ONTO OUR FLESH TO SMELL SEXY
Using the special move and makin' her cum straight to God?
Call that a clitical hit 🎯💦
Call that a clitical hit 🎯💦
November 7, 2025 at 11:45 PM
Using the special move and makin' her cum straight to God?
Call that a clitical hit 🎯💦
Call that a clitical hit 🎯💦
*Being MK Ultraed by the
Teletubby Tinky Winkys tummy TV*
"We must collect sacrifices
for the sun baby"
Teletubby Tinky Winkys tummy TV*
"We must collect sacrifices
for the sun baby"
November 7, 2025 at 6:19 PM
*Being MK Ultraed by the
Teletubby Tinky Winkys tummy TV*
"We must collect sacrifices
for the sun baby"
Teletubby Tinky Winkys tummy TV*
"We must collect sacrifices
for the sun baby"
We need Nardwaur to release the Epstein files
November 6, 2025 at 7:59 PM
We need Nardwaur to release the Epstein files
READERS DIGEST, ARE YA SHITTIN?!?!
FRONT COVERS GOT BEFORE RACISM MEL GIBSON ON IT, POOP AND LEARN ABOUT BRAVE HEART. IS YOUR CERAMIC BUTT TIME GOING BAD??
WE GOT AN ARTICLE ABOUT I.B.S.
SQUINT AND PINCH AT A CROSSWORD PUZZLE
FRONT COVERS GOT BEFORE RACISM MEL GIBSON ON IT, POOP AND LEARN ABOUT BRAVE HEART. IS YOUR CERAMIC BUTT TIME GOING BAD??
WE GOT AN ARTICLE ABOUT I.B.S.
SQUINT AND PINCH AT A CROSSWORD PUZZLE
November 6, 2025 at 5:58 PM
READERS DIGEST, ARE YA SHITTIN?!?!
FRONT COVERS GOT BEFORE RACISM MEL GIBSON ON IT, POOP AND LEARN ABOUT BRAVE HEART. IS YOUR CERAMIC BUTT TIME GOING BAD??
WE GOT AN ARTICLE ABOUT I.B.S.
SQUINT AND PINCH AT A CROSSWORD PUZZLE
FRONT COVERS GOT BEFORE RACISM MEL GIBSON ON IT, POOP AND LEARN ABOUT BRAVE HEART. IS YOUR CERAMIC BUTT TIME GOING BAD??
WE GOT AN ARTICLE ABOUT I.B.S.
SQUINT AND PINCH AT A CROSSWORD PUZZLE
*Me walking towards someones currently being worn pants with gasoline, a lighter, and a plan to unleash an entirely new turn of phrase*
"Hey buddy so u remember how you're a fuckin liar???"
"Hey buddy so u remember how you're a fuckin liar???"
November 6, 2025 at 4:45 PM
*Me walking towards someones currently being worn pants with gasoline, a lighter, and a plan to unleash an entirely new turn of phrase*
"Hey buddy so u remember how you're a fuckin liar???"
"Hey buddy so u remember how you're a fuckin liar???"
Panera Bread disregard the cowards and bring back the caffeinated death lemonade I'm tryna bend spacetime
#panera #lemonade #bringback
#panera #lemonade #bringback
November 5, 2025 at 6:46 PM
Panera Bread disregard the cowards and bring back the caffeinated death lemonade I'm tryna bend spacetime
#panera #lemonade #bringback
#panera #lemonade #bringback
Me: I give a lil smooch to every package to seal them with a lil bit of love 🥰
Coworker at the chicken packaging plant:
This is why u keep gettin salmonella
Coworker at the chicken packaging plant:
This is why u keep gettin salmonella
November 4, 2025 at 4:19 PM
Me: I give a lil smooch to every package to seal them with a lil bit of love 🥰
Coworker at the chicken packaging plant:
This is why u keep gettin salmonella
Coworker at the chicken packaging plant:
This is why u keep gettin salmonella
Who the hell is out here keepin cottage cheese from extinction???
Who is out here diggin into a big ole bowl of cold wet lumps??
Who is out here diggin into a big ole bowl of cold wet lumps??
November 2, 2025 at 10:38 PM
Who the hell is out here keepin cottage cheese from extinction???
Who is out here diggin into a big ole bowl of cold wet lumps??
Who is out here diggin into a big ole bowl of cold wet lumps??
*Tires skidding, SLAMCRASH, wilhelm scream, gavel sound*
HAVE YOU BEEN INJURED IN A CAR ACCIDENT???
WELL THEN CALL ME:
JEFFREY DEFENDANTFUCKER
AM I A LAWYER?
NO
BUT THEY WILL PAY
*Eagle screech*
HAVE YOU BEEN INJURED IN A CAR ACCIDENT???
WELL THEN CALL ME:
JEFFREY DEFENDANTFUCKER
AM I A LAWYER?
NO
BUT THEY WILL PAY
*Eagle screech*
November 2, 2025 at 3:54 PM
*Tires skidding, SLAMCRASH, wilhelm scream, gavel sound*
HAVE YOU BEEN INJURED IN A CAR ACCIDENT???
WELL THEN CALL ME:
JEFFREY DEFENDANTFUCKER
AM I A LAWYER?
NO
BUT THEY WILL PAY
*Eagle screech*
HAVE YOU BEEN INJURED IN A CAR ACCIDENT???
WELL THEN CALL ME:
JEFFREY DEFENDANTFUCKER
AM I A LAWYER?
NO
BUT THEY WILL PAY
*Eagle screech*
My knees popping to the beat of the music
October 10, 2025 at 5:53 PM
My knees popping to the beat of the music
Italian mob boss: oh so you attack us for crimes we committed in a quest for vengeance like you're what, some type of punisher?
Frank Castle(currently going as
Bad Guy Getter Man): uhm... Yes, thats- that's exactly what I call myself and have since the beginning I am The Punisher.
Frank Castle(currently going as
Bad Guy Getter Man): uhm... Yes, thats- that's exactly what I call myself and have since the beginning I am The Punisher.
September 29, 2025 at 5:42 PM
Italian mob boss: oh so you attack us for crimes we committed in a quest for vengeance like you're what, some type of punisher?
Frank Castle(currently going as
Bad Guy Getter Man): uhm... Yes, thats- that's exactly what I call myself and have since the beginning I am The Punisher.
Frank Castle(currently going as
Bad Guy Getter Man): uhm... Yes, thats- that's exactly what I call myself and have since the beginning I am The Punisher.
*in divorce court*
Husband: yea we just can't agree on who should get the good tupperware, we both paid equally into it so unfortunately we're at an impasse.
Judge: well you know what that means
*Crowd begins cheering*
Judge: bailiff, bring out the sock'em boppers
Husband: yea we just can't agree on who should get the good tupperware, we both paid equally into it so unfortunately we're at an impasse.
Judge: well you know what that means
*Crowd begins cheering*
Judge: bailiff, bring out the sock'em boppers
September 24, 2025 at 2:08 AM
*in divorce court*
Husband: yea we just can't agree on who should get the good tupperware, we both paid equally into it so unfortunately we're at an impasse.
Judge: well you know what that means
*Crowd begins cheering*
Judge: bailiff, bring out the sock'em boppers
Husband: yea we just can't agree on who should get the good tupperware, we both paid equally into it so unfortunately we're at an impasse.
Judge: well you know what that means
*Crowd begins cheering*
Judge: bailiff, bring out the sock'em boppers
*me getting traumatized by ASPCA commercials as a child*
"MOOOM I NEED 18 DOLLARS OR ELSE SARAH MAGLOCKLIN IS GONNA BEAT PUPPIES"
#nostalgia #armsoftheangel
#whyyoudointhattothemtho
"MOOOM I NEED 18 DOLLARS OR ELSE SARAH MAGLOCKLIN IS GONNA BEAT PUPPIES"
#nostalgia #armsoftheangel
#whyyoudointhattothemtho
September 18, 2025 at 6:13 PM
*me getting traumatized by ASPCA commercials as a child*
"MOOOM I NEED 18 DOLLARS OR ELSE SARAH MAGLOCKLIN IS GONNA BEAT PUPPIES"
#nostalgia #armsoftheangel
#whyyoudointhattothemtho
"MOOOM I NEED 18 DOLLARS OR ELSE SARAH MAGLOCKLIN IS GONNA BEAT PUPPIES"
#nostalgia #armsoftheangel
#whyyoudointhattothemtho
My favorite part of doin comedy is when I finish a set, the laughter dies down & the crowd looks up at the Emperor & he gives me a thumbs up & I get to live another day.
September 11, 2025 at 4:24 PM
My favorite part of doin comedy is when I finish a set, the laughter dies down & the crowd looks up at the Emperor & he gives me a thumbs up & I get to live another day.
*ice cream truck music in the distance*
Me(pale faced): Hes coming for me
Me(pale faced): Hes coming for me
September 8, 2025 at 3:43 AM
*ice cream truck music in the distance*
Me(pale faced): Hes coming for me
Me(pale faced): Hes coming for me