such a restful photo ~

idk if I'm being too hard on myself, because I've seen even my experienced coworkers make or admit to having made the same mistakes that I am now, but still 😓

I try not to compare myself to my coworkers who have been doing this for years, or the other new grads because I know most of them have already trained here as students, but it's really hard not to!!

trained in surgery today and things were great for the most part, so i'm convinced the previous modality was what was fucking me up so bad, not going back anytime soon if i can help it

i'm at a point where i feel like i can't get through a single day without screwing something up and feeling totally incompetent.. every day is like this（ ;  ; ）

also, the fact that we have several proceduralists on staff with different preferences for how we set up and assist for exams doesn't help

like, i really do appreciate all the help and knowledge, but i need a little time to work up to that level of multitasking instead of jumping straight into juggling like 10 tasks at once (especially when i'm still learning those tasks)

for almost anything i do, someone's there to tell me "a better use of your time would be to do this instead, also here are five other things you could be doing at the same time" and after a while it just gets to be so demoralizing..

i'm always placed under different people and they're always telling me something different.. so when i start to do something one way, i'm told "actually this way is better/correct" or something along those lines

I'm hoping to buy one or two off of him!

i did some shopping by myself to get away for a bit and it helped a little 🤍