‘memories’ needs to include an ‘everything but your exes’ filter option so i can remember that i once experienced joy and drank underage without the constant reminder that i once felt love for another human being

people are always like ‘wow christine it must be hard having all those pets!’ but don’t realize owning 10 animals is actually less work than having one adult boyfriend who you have to beg to brush his teeth every day

walking our dogs together should truly be considered the home run of intimacy bc the idea of bending down to pick up the shit from my demon dog in front of someone i am actively wanting to see me naked is hellishly mortifying