Chromatic Cactus 🔞
@chromatic-cactus.bsky.social
40, She/Her
Writer of (smutty) Transformers fanfic
You can find me at https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chromatic_Cactus/profile
Writer of (smutty) Transformers fanfic
You can find me at https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chromatic_Cactus/profile
Got a toy haul and decided to have some silly fun with the alternate parts!
October 8, 2025 at 1:36 PM
Got a toy haul and decided to have some silly fun with the alternate parts!
September 19, 2025 at 4:05 PM
You have excellent ideas
July 29, 2025 at 3:25 AM
You have excellent ideas
Optimus Prime: He's a perfect date, but a terrible relationship.
He's clearly being stalked by his ex, but won't get a restraining order because “It's not worth the legal hassle”. Within a month you're sure it's because he's Not Over It and hopes they'll get back together.
He's clearly being stalked by his ex, but won't get a restraining order because “It's not worth the legal hassle”. Within a month you're sure it's because he's Not Over It and hopes they'll get back together.
February 2, 2025 at 2:50 PM
Optimus Prime: He's a perfect date, but a terrible relationship.
He's clearly being stalked by his ex, but won't get a restraining order because “It's not worth the legal hassle”. Within a month you're sure it's because he's Not Over It and hopes they'll get back together.
He's clearly being stalked by his ex, but won't get a restraining order because “It's not worth the legal hassle”. Within a month you're sure it's because he's Not Over It and hopes they'll get back together.
Wheeljack: Tells a string of obscure jokes that you don't get because you haven't studied one specific field of science. He's not deterred by your lack of laughter.
Says he's an “inventor” and that he wants to be on Shark Tank, but based on what he says you're pretty sure he just builds bombs.
Says he's an “inventor” and that he wants to be on Shark Tank, but based on what he says you're pretty sure he just builds bombs.
February 2, 2025 at 2:47 PM
Wheeljack: Tells a string of obscure jokes that you don't get because you haven't studied one specific field of science. He's not deterred by your lack of laughter.
Says he's an “inventor” and that he wants to be on Shark Tank, but based on what he says you're pretty sure he just builds bombs.
Says he's an “inventor” and that he wants to be on Shark Tank, but based on what he says you're pretty sure he just builds bombs.
Tarn: Has a beautiful voice and loves classical music (maybe a bit too much?).
Lists some odd hobbies that he thinks are perfectly normal.
It's giving serial killer.
Lists some odd hobbies that he thinks are perfectly normal.
It's giving serial killer.
February 2, 2025 at 2:45 PM
Tarn: Has a beautiful voice and loves classical music (maybe a bit too much?).
Lists some odd hobbies that he thinks are perfectly normal.
It's giving serial killer.
Lists some odd hobbies that he thinks are perfectly normal.
It's giving serial killer.
Shockwave: Asks you a series of increasingly bizarre questions.
You're pretty sure he’s only here as some kind of weird social experiment.
You're pretty sure he’s only here as some kind of weird social experiment.
February 2, 2025 at 2:44 PM
Shockwave: Asks you a series of increasingly bizarre questions.
You're pretty sure he’s only here as some kind of weird social experiment.
You're pretty sure he’s only here as some kind of weird social experiment.
Red Alert: Won't sit with his back to the room.
Tells you all about the well-thought-out fire escape layout in the restaurant (“It's why I come here. The food's kinda mid if I'm being honest.”).
Definitely a conspiracy theorist.
Tells you all about the well-thought-out fire escape layout in the restaurant (“It's why I come here. The food's kinda mid if I'm being honest.”).
Definitely a conspiracy theorist.
February 2, 2025 at 2:44 PM
Red Alert: Won't sit with his back to the room.
Tells you all about the well-thought-out fire escape layout in the restaurant (“It's why I come here. The food's kinda mid if I'm being honest.”).
Definitely a conspiracy theorist.
Tells you all about the well-thought-out fire escape layout in the restaurant (“It's why I come here. The food's kinda mid if I'm being honest.”).
Definitely a conspiracy theorist.
Grimlock: Fine af, but by the end of dinner you're seriously wondering how he's managed to stay alive up to this point.
February 2, 2025 at 2:43 PM
Grimlock: Fine af, but by the end of dinner you're seriously wondering how he's managed to stay alive up to this point.
Starscream: Main character syndrome.
Absolutely hates his job, but explains in more detail than you ever wanted that he can't quit because he's “...definitely going to get a promotion any day now!”
He isn't.
Absolutely hates his job, but explains in more detail than you ever wanted that he can't quit because he's “...definitely going to get a promotion any day now!”
He isn't.
February 2, 2025 at 2:42 PM
Starscream: Main character syndrome.
Absolutely hates his job, but explains in more detail than you ever wanted that he can't quit because he's “...definitely going to get a promotion any day now!”
He isn't.
Absolutely hates his job, but explains in more detail than you ever wanted that he can't quit because he's “...definitely going to get a promotion any day now!”
He isn't.
Mirage: Old-money rich.
Thinks that the time he was forced to slum it in a five-star hotel is a relatable story.
Wants you to go clubbing at 10pm on a Wednesday. When you tell him you actually have to get up and make breakfast in the morning, he says “Why don't you have your chef do it?”
Thinks that the time he was forced to slum it in a five-star hotel is a relatable story.
Wants you to go clubbing at 10pm on a Wednesday. When you tell him you actually have to get up and make breakfast in the morning, he says “Why don't you have your chef do it?”
February 2, 2025 at 2:41 PM
Mirage: Old-money rich.
Thinks that the time he was forced to slum it in a five-star hotel is a relatable story.
Wants you to go clubbing at 10pm on a Wednesday. When you tell him you actually have to get up and make breakfast in the morning, he says “Why don't you have your chef do it?”
Thinks that the time he was forced to slum it in a five-star hotel is a relatable story.
Wants you to go clubbing at 10pm on a Wednesday. When you tell him you actually have to get up and make breakfast in the morning, he says “Why don't you have your chef do it?”
Ironhide: Takes you to a gun range instead of dinner (he's the owner).
He's a lot less hateful than you expected, but he's still made target shooting his whole personality.
He's a lot less hateful than you expected, but he's still made target shooting his whole personality.
February 2, 2025 at 2:39 PM
Ironhide: Takes you to a gun range instead of dinner (he's the owner).
He's a lot less hateful than you expected, but he's still made target shooting his whole personality.
He's a lot less hateful than you expected, but he's still made target shooting his whole personality.
Sideswipe: Inexplicably brings his asshole of a twin brother along, and is genuinely confused about why you're upset.
Even more confused that you won't go home with them for a threesome.
Even more confused that you won't go home with them for a threesome.
February 2, 2025 at 2:39 PM
Sideswipe: Inexplicably brings his asshole of a twin brother along, and is genuinely confused about why you're upset.
Even more confused that you won't go home with them for a threesome.
Even more confused that you won't go home with them for a threesome.
Ultra Magnus: Takes you to the nicest restaurant in town but doesn't tell you about the dress code (he assumed you knew).
Judges all your choices.
Sends you a very polite text to inform you that there won't be a second date because you stubbornly refuse to eat “Continental Style”.
Judges all your choices.
Sends you a very polite text to inform you that there won't be a second date because you stubbornly refuse to eat “Continental Style”.
February 2, 2025 at 2:38 PM
Ultra Magnus: Takes you to the nicest restaurant in town but doesn't tell you about the dress code (he assumed you knew).
Judges all your choices.
Sends you a very polite text to inform you that there won't be a second date because you stubbornly refuse to eat “Continental Style”.
Judges all your choices.
Sends you a very polite text to inform you that there won't be a second date because you stubbornly refuse to eat “Continental Style”.
Soundwave: Great listener, but even getting him to order food is like pulling teeth.
You go back to his place after dinner to discover he has two chaos-gremlin roommates and a menagerie of unregistered pets that he didn't tell you about
You go back to his place after dinner to discover he has two chaos-gremlin roommates and a menagerie of unregistered pets that he didn't tell you about
February 2, 2025 at 2:37 PM
Soundwave: Great listener, but even getting him to order food is like pulling teeth.
You go back to his place after dinner to discover he has two chaos-gremlin roommates and a menagerie of unregistered pets that he didn't tell you about
You go back to his place after dinner to discover he has two chaos-gremlin roommates and a menagerie of unregistered pets that he didn't tell you about
Megatron: Massive ego maniac.
Spends the entire date ranting about how their ex was a terrible bitch (by the end you're pretty sure they dodged a bullet).
Spends the entire date ranting about how their ex was a terrible bitch (by the end you're pretty sure they dodged a bullet).
February 2, 2025 at 2:36 PM
Megatron: Massive ego maniac.
Spends the entire date ranting about how their ex was a terrible bitch (by the end you're pretty sure they dodged a bullet).
Spends the entire date ranting about how their ex was a terrible bitch (by the end you're pretty sure they dodged a bullet).
Jazz: Seems laid back and fun, but almost too much so - something is definitely up.
Grills you about your music preferences and is definitely judging you.
Grills you about your music preferences and is definitely judging you.
February 2, 2025 at 2:35 PM
Jazz: Seems laid back and fun, but almost too much so - something is definitely up.
Grills you about your music preferences and is definitely judging you.
Grills you about your music preferences and is definitely judging you.
Prowl: He's a cop with a short temper.
February 2, 2025 at 2:34 PM
Prowl: He's a cop with a short temper.
Rodimus: Asks you a lot of questions, but interrupts two words into your answer every time.
It becomes clear that all his questions are just there to segue into stories meant to impress you.
They don't. They just make him look like an asshole.
It becomes clear that all his questions are just there to segue into stories meant to impress you.
They don't. They just make him look like an asshole.
February 2, 2025 at 2:33 PM
Rodimus: Asks you a lot of questions, but interrupts two words into your answer every time.
It becomes clear that all his questions are just there to segue into stories meant to impress you.
They don't. They just make him look like an asshole.
It becomes clear that all his questions are just there to segue into stories meant to impress you.
They don't. They just make him look like an asshole.
Ratchet: On-call trauma surgeon, and really doesn't have time for this.
Militant atheist
“If you say one word about your star sign I'm leaving.”
Militant atheist
“If you say one word about your star sign I'm leaving.”
February 2, 2025 at 2:31 PM
Ratchet: On-call trauma surgeon, and really doesn't have time for this.
Militant atheist
“If you say one word about your star sign I'm leaving.”
Militant atheist
“If you say one word about your star sign I'm leaving.”
Sentinel Prime (TF One): He's handsome. Charming. Funny. Relatable.
He makes the waitress cry (snot-bubbles, has-to-go-home crying) over something stupid that isn't her fault
He makes the waitress cry (snot-bubbles, has-to-go-home crying) over something stupid that isn't her fault
February 2, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Sentinel Prime (TF One): He's handsome. Charming. Funny. Relatable.
He makes the waitress cry (snot-bubbles, has-to-go-home crying) over something stupid that isn't her fault
He makes the waitress cry (snot-bubbles, has-to-go-home crying) over something stupid that isn't her fault