Someone puts luggage on a plane

What if my kink IS kink shaming?

In the break up, who gets guardianship of the yellow egg based dessert

I’m sore and tired. I feel like a 48 year old man in a 48 year old man’s body

If you take 150g self-raising flour, 100g caster sugar, 2 tbs cocoa powder, 125ml milk, 50g butter, 1 egg -lightly whisked and add thickened cream, and then cook it for 45 minutes, you can make a gelatinous, saucy goo that's delicious.
...but don't take my word for it; the proof is in the pudding

Own the libs...

A fly just kamikazed into my strong soy latte. Still drank it

On a hot day it’s crucial you tell people how hot it is.
DO NOT SHIRK YOUR RESPONSIBILITY

Methylated Pivot: the alcoholic’s decision to turn away from the empty cupboard and look under the kitchen sink

Life hack: want to listen to an audiobook but it’s not available? Buy the actual book and read it out loud into a recording device. Then you can listen back

All the leaves are brown
And the sky is brown
I think I’ve got poo in my eye

Two slugs having breakfast
Wait staff: ‘Salt and pepper?’
Slug: Just pepper thanks

Schrödinger’s Schrödinger