Andy Kelly
banner
chortlesnort.bsky.social
Andy Kelly
@chortlesnort.bsky.social
Chortlesnort
a.k.a. Snortle™
Kid Rock is ready to deliver his MAGA response to Bad Bunny's Super Bowl halftime show.
Ironic, since the only way to see it is with a set of rabbit ears.
February 6, 2026 at 6:07 PM
Director of National Intelligence, Tusli Gabbard, was spotted overseeing an FBI raid of a Georgia elections office.
She was simply looking for 11,780 votes...and 101 Dalmatians.
February 5, 2026 at 7:13 PM
The president is threatening to sue Trevor Noah over a joke he made at the Grammys.
Unclear is if Fred & Mary Trump are liable for the joke THEY made.
February 4, 2026 at 6:23 PM
5-year-old Liam Ramos was finally released by ICE after 12 days in custody.
But sadly, he'll always have that teardrop tattoo.
February 3, 2026 at 6:44 PM
It's Groundhog Day and Punxsutawney Phil has predicted 6 more weeks of winter.
Well, that's what you get with a meteorology degree from Wake Forest.
February 2, 2026 at 7:16 PM
Trump is threatening to bomb Iran again.
This time, he's going to hit them with the biggest one to date—the Melania movie.
January 30, 2026 at 5:34 PM
Former Patriots' head coach, Bill Belichick, was passed over as a first-ballot Pro Football Hall of Fame inductee.
It's no snub—Canton simply can't find a sleeveless Gold Hoodie.
January 29, 2026 at 6:25 PM
The President says it's time to de-escalate in Minneapolis.
Wrong—Trump Tower 2015 was the time to de-escalate.
January 28, 2026 at 6:59 PM
China's top general has been accused of leaking the country's nuclear secrets to the U.S.
He was led away in the cutest little finger restraints.
January 27, 2026 at 6:00 PM
Recently, an American did a ropeless ascension of the 1,667 ft. Taipei 101 tower in Taiwan.
After a sudden gust of wind, he finished the climb poopless too.
January 26, 2026 at 5:43 PM
Hand stencils created 68,000 years ago in an Indonesian cave have been deemed the world's oldest art.
They were discovered near the 2nd oldest art—a red ochre penis.
January 23, 2026 at 5:35 PM
Vice President JD Vance's wife Usha is pregnant.
Furniture—now that's an interesting new take on roleplaying.
January 22, 2026 at 6:13 PM
The President is on an official visit to Davos, Switzerland.
Top of his agenda: A meeting with their ambassador, Miss Cocoa.
January 21, 2026 at 6:13 PM
Trump sent a letter to Norway criticizing them for not giving him the Nobel Peace Prize.
Smart move—piss off the Vikings.
January 20, 2026 at 7:21 PM
Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
Or as it’s now called,
“The Donald J. Trump (& mlk) Day.”
January 19, 2026 at 1:39 PM
Four NASA astronauts left the ISS early due to a mysterious medical emergency.
Someone DEFINITELY came down with a case of chest alien.
January 16, 2026 at 8:30 PM
Spring & Mulberry has issued a recall of their gourmet chocolate.
The warning applies only to those bars filled with salmonella.
January 15, 2026 at 7:35 PM
L.A. will soon lift a ban on playing catch on the sidewalk.
Next on the docket: Reinstating treats for puppies.
January 14, 2026 at 6:44 PM
Trump is coming for Greenland.
You've been warned, Ireland.
January 13, 2026 at 7:01 PM
Bob Weir has died.
IN RELATED NEWS: Vernon Reid has not.
January 12, 2026 at 6:27 PM
A Pennsylvania man was arrested recently after 100+ human skulls were discovered in his home.
Now that's what you call a real head case.
January 9, 2026 at 6:35 PM
Sea lions are currently invading the Columbia River and eating all the salmon.
Classic Trump: Wrong SEALs, wrong Colombia.
January 8, 2026 at 7:03 PM
The Girl Scouts have unveiled their latest, most delicious cookie yet.
A new & improved version of a fan favorite: Morbidly Obese Mints.
January 7, 2026 at 6:18 PM
Hollywood actor, Mickey Rourke, can't pay his rent and risks being evicted.
My god—first Rob Reiner and now THIS.
January 6, 2026 at 6:10 PM
The U.S. captured Venezuela's president in a bold, nighttime raid.
NEWSFLASH: They're NOT immigrants if you find them in their own country.
January 5, 2026 at 7:44 PM