Me: no, you can't put that on me, you made your own choice.

BF: oh please 🙄, you know there is no free will; they totally disproved that

I think this is a compliment?
He says to me, "You're very lovable you know that? You're not very loving, but very lovable"

"I like having a mustache because it's galvinizing. You know who your friends are right away... You ride the razors edge"

"I have nothing in common with holly hunter except for the fact we're both better looking than average”

My BF finally got to the bottom of why the cat has been less cuddly towards him lately (or “resentful”): “it’s because I hurt my hip and she is worried I’ll lose my alpha status and so is aligning herself with you instead”
🤨 you’re the alpha?
“I don’t think that shhheee thinks that!!”

“hey, I don't kill bugs, ok? I've been emancipated. I have been released from bonds of manhood”

You want to be a stoic but your back hurts