Christian Schulte
@ceeschulte.bsky.social
Husband, dad, attorney
Ordinarily I don’t like the crumbs in the bottom of the cereal box because they mix with milk to form a disgusting paste. But Mini Wheats? I’d eat a bowlful of those crumbs.
January 24, 2026 at 3:34 PM
Ordinarily I don’t like the crumbs in the bottom of the cereal box because they mix with milk to form a disgusting paste. But Mini Wheats? I’d eat a bowlful of those crumbs.
Looking at a D20 game for the first time in decades, and it seems so much more complicated than BRP. All these feats and talents and powers and whatnot. It's like every class is a magician of some sort.
January 13, 2026 at 2:06 AM
Looking at a D20 game for the first time in decades, and it seems so much more complicated than BRP. All these feats and talents and powers and whatnot. It's like every class is a magician of some sort.
Jesus loves all God’s creatures.
January 9, 2026 at 10:42 PM
Jesus loves all God’s creatures.
That shooting video is like that fucking dress, isn't it.
January 9, 2026 at 3:46 PM
That shooting video is like that fucking dress, isn't it.
For the two people who might read this, latest Avatar movie impressions:
-visually amazing
-viscerally gripping
-narratively dull
-emotionally manipulative
-morally simplistic
-visually amazing
-viscerally gripping
-narratively dull
-emotionally manipulative
-morally simplistic
December 29, 2025 at 3:23 AM
For the two people who might read this, latest Avatar movie impressions:
-visually amazing
-viscerally gripping
-narratively dull
-emotionally manipulative
-morally simplistic
-visually amazing
-viscerally gripping
-narratively dull
-emotionally manipulative
-morally simplistic
I try not to post anything I wouldn't say in real life. But also, stuff comes up here I wouldn't necessarily be discussing in real life in the first place.
December 17, 2025 at 12:20 AM
I try not to post anything I wouldn't say in real life. But also, stuff comes up here I wouldn't necessarily be discussing in real life in the first place.
Me, to the angry women in my life:
Sounds like you need a hug and some water, baby.
If they stay mad, I’ll show them the studies.
Sounds like you need a hug and some water, baby.
If they stay mad, I’ll show them the studies.
November 25, 2025 at 4:06 AM
Me, to the angry women in my life:
Sounds like you need a hug and some water, baby.
If they stay mad, I’ll show them the studies.
Sounds like you need a hug and some water, baby.
If they stay mad, I’ll show them the studies.
Go to church! Jesus is already dressed and waiting! You want him to WIN?
November 23, 2025 at 3:45 PM
Go to church! Jesus is already dressed and waiting! You want him to WIN?
"So, given expenses, one of us has got to go, and ... why are you all looking at me?"
November 13, 2025 at 9:02 PM
"So, given expenses, one of us has got to go, and ... why are you all looking at me?"
The biggest challenge in NYT Connections for me is not usually solving the puzzle, which I can usually do, but rather figuring out what the last four items, that I will place in the last category by default, will wind up having in common.
October 5, 2025 at 7:20 PM
The biggest challenge in NYT Connections for me is not usually solving the puzzle, which I can usually do, but rather figuring out what the last four items, that I will place in the last category by default, will wind up having in common.
Why do hotdogs taste better than bologna sandwiches when they’re the same stuff?
October 4, 2025 at 2:22 PM
Why do hotdogs taste better than bologna sandwiches when they’re the same stuff?
Apropos of nothing, I’m told that when swatting flies, aim for a spot right behind them because they take off backwards or something. It seems to help! But maybe it’s just a confidence boost.
September 26, 2025 at 1:35 AM
Apropos of nothing, I’m told that when swatting flies, aim for a spot right behind them because they take off backwards or something. It seems to help! But maybe it’s just a confidence boost.
As a father, I have rarely been called upon to deal death. The true paternal skills are sealing ziplocks, reading and refolding maps, and extracting the last bit of toothpaste from the tube.
That no one uses maps anymore is the true cause of the male crisis.
That no one uses maps anymore is the true cause of the male crisis.
September 9, 2025 at 5:51 PM
As a father, I have rarely been called upon to deal death. The true paternal skills are sealing ziplocks, reading and refolding maps, and extracting the last bit of toothpaste from the tube.
That no one uses maps anymore is the true cause of the male crisis.
That no one uses maps anymore is the true cause of the male crisis.
Reposted by Christian Schulte
We’re actually closer to 2100 than we are to 2024 because we experience linear time
January 1, 2025 at 10:22 PM
We’re actually closer to 2100 than we are to 2024 because we experience linear time
Daughter Two: Dad, what was that poem you read us once, about the goblins and the sisters?
Me: Goblin Market? Christina Rossetti?
Daughter Two: Yeah. I need to read that again.
Me: [swoons]
Me: Goblin Market? Christina Rossetti?
Daughter Two: Yeah. I need to read that again.
Me: [swoons]
August 24, 2025 at 11:41 PM
Daughter Two: Dad, what was that poem you read us once, about the goblins and the sisters?
Me: Goblin Market? Christina Rossetti?
Daughter Two: Yeah. I need to read that again.
Me: [swoons]
Me: Goblin Market? Christina Rossetti?
Daughter Two: Yeah. I need to read that again.
Me: [swoons]
Different species of weed are battling for the honor of destroying my remaining grass.
August 16, 2025 at 7:45 PM
Different species of weed are battling for the honor of destroying my remaining grass.
Reposted by Christian Schulte
Honestly, no. Long answer incoming.
I think evangelicalism is uniquely *American* in that it was the perfect compliment to the idea that every man is his own individual island and omnicompetent. /1
I think evangelicalism is uniquely *American* in that it was the perfect compliment to the idea that every man is his own individual island and omnicompetent. /1
August 9, 2025 at 5:38 PM
Honestly, no. Long answer incoming.
I think evangelicalism is uniquely *American* in that it was the perfect compliment to the idea that every man is his own individual island and omnicompetent. /1
I think evangelicalism is uniquely *American* in that it was the perfect compliment to the idea that every man is his own individual island and omnicompetent. /1
The justice system works pretty well for society as a whole but it sure grinds up the people actually in it.
August 8, 2025 at 3:52 PM
The justice system works pretty well for society as a whole but it sure grinds up the people actually in it.
I made my grandmother’s rice pudding with the straight refined sugar and … it’s actually better. Sigh.
July 29, 2025 at 2:50 AM
I made my grandmother’s rice pudding with the straight refined sugar and … it’s actually better. Sigh.
I have dumped a load of warm towels on my daughter where she sprawled in the armchair. No complaints so far.
July 26, 2025 at 6:13 PM
I have dumped a load of warm towels on my daughter where she sprawled in the armchair. No complaints so far.
You know what keeps attorneys from eschewing legalese for clear English prose? SHEER TERROR.
July 26, 2025 at 6:06 PM
You know what keeps attorneys from eschewing legalese for clear English prose? SHEER TERROR.
My nerd-brood is off to band camp. I'm a happy nerd-dad.
July 21, 2025 at 3:01 PM
My nerd-brood is off to band camp. I'm a happy nerd-dad.
I truly do like natural peanut butter, like Adams or Smuckers Natural, more than the regular kind. If I had a trusty manservant to stir the oil in before I started to crave a sandwich, I would not buy anything else.
July 19, 2025 at 1:54 PM
I truly do like natural peanut butter, like Adams or Smuckers Natural, more than the regular kind. If I had a trusty manservant to stir the oil in before I started to crave a sandwich, I would not buy anything else.
When my kids were little our rule was they could use swear words as long as they were singing along with song lyrics. Now they all swear like sailors but I don’t regret it.
June 25, 2025 at 1:33 AM
When my kids were little our rule was they could use swear words as long as they were singing along with song lyrics. Now they all swear like sailors but I don’t regret it.