Thanks! Glad you like it :D

So work, work and work and a bit of fun to keep yourself sane or else you'd go bonkers eventually. I wish it was easy to just blame something and have someone fix your problems. But sadly, it doesn't work that way for a lot of our issue. We feel comfortable knowing someone can fix it if you can't.

What can I do about it? I honestly don't know other than working on myself and refining my skillset. Let's be honest a lot of our happiness is tied to having a secured amount of cash. Cash is freedom, it gives access to things we need in life, it gives us comfort knowing we can do anything we want.

I miss it, and I want that connection back and I felt so deprived not being able to find it... I guess you could say I'm depressed, it's such a small thing but had impacted me so much in life! And now it's gone and that's the only things that's been on my mind right now. I can't help it I'm starved.

So, what is stopping me from doing that? Am I just lazy? No, I just want company that really connects me. Sure, I talk with other people, but it just felt so different when you finally connect with someone that connects you! And I guess talking with that kind person made me want to seek it more.

And I remember feeling so happy that my work connects with me so deeply when I finally finished it. Sure, that feeling subside over time, but I still remember it to this day. I want that, I need that! I need closure in my life, I need peace, and I need stability. I need to work on that desperately.

So, I guess what I really need is something to keep me grounded and motivated to keep it going. I want to help people, it feels healing to know they got their own closure through my work. Even better if that person resonates with the same issue I had faced before. Life is a lot for some of us...

I figured I should post my thoughts more often. It sounds like a bad idea. But this is the only outlet I have for voicing it out there! No one seems to care or have the time to do so, they got their own crap to deal with. And most people just want to escape from their own problems, so I understand.

But whenever I look for something to cling on, I just can't find any. Mind you I've been like this ever since I was kid. I felt so disconnected with the world. How people interact with another. Or the kind of expectation they want from you, it always seems so superficial. So, mask away for me then!

I'm constantly concerned how my future will look like. My saving account looks like a damn joke. My folks are blinded and ignorant to what we are facing with. And my mental health is dipping lower than before. I need something I can cling on to where I'd put everything in me just to keep it going.

So, my question is. How do we move forward? Everyday seems like a challenge, constantly at the verge of breaking with one wrong move. Deprived of the things we need to flourish as an individual. Do we live in a sick society? Who knows... Everyone is trying to save themselves or merely passing by.

But even if we try to be emotionally self-sufficient, we still need people in our life that makes us feel secure about what we believe in. The kind that enriches our day-to-day experience. It's so hard to find genuine connection these days, and even harder to find community that connects us.

Whenever I feel like I'm losing grip with myself, I try and say to myself "take your time with your pace, eventually everything starts kicking in." or whenever I feel vulnerable and need comfort. I'm hugging my pillow and treating it like my inner child. I let myself loose and take it all in.

I know that failing is part of progress but when do I start winning? How can I become the version my inner child that has always been looking for in their life? I want to be an advocate for myself, someone who's an active participant within their life, I'm trying to be that every step of the way.

Thanks, I'm happy you liked it! 😄 I kind of procrastinated a lot on this and I'm just happy that I finally got this out!

So that was the original intent, but I got distracted and played Cyberpunk 2077 and I had an idea! Why not mix them both at the same time? I played and tinkered all the ideas I can come up with, and this is the result! I changed it up a bit, so it fits in with my existing OC's lore.

And at that time, I was feeling very lonely and just wanted some company until I fell asleep. And the next thing you know, I felt a cold pressure pressing against me and it felt real. But something about it was so inviting, the gentle whisper of reassurance. And their hands gliding through my skin.

I made this illustration based on a dream I had a while ago and it was originally very isolating, but also, relaxing in a way? Like some kind of ghost hugging you. But also, they weren't dead at the same time? Like their body is like cellular data that can be called upon on.

I don't know how to feel about this