Many a time I've wasted away surrounded by the aroma of burnt coffee while my order was called out as Carol, Carl, Carrie, Carissa, Cathy, Christina, Caboodle, John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, and Lothar of the Hill People. Know your audience, weirdos. (And perhaps get a life.)

First, because it is...well, an insane way to push your agenda, and second, when has a Starbucks barista ever gotten a name right?