Hate the sinner, never hate the sin

Parent: "You have a good memory."
Translation: "Shit, I need to watch my mouth"

Thinking about high school reunions. The only thing I can think to say to these people I haven't even thought about in years is:

"So, you've aged. Discuss."

I was very popular

The flies. They're on endless mode. Years of gaming have prepared me for this fight.

They say you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but you know, my wife makes a mean fly trap with apple cider vinegar and a little bit of soap... So that's just wrong