Jeremy Glass
@candyandpizza.bsky.social
I was in a boaking accident.
My vape pen just told me to “take care”
June 15, 2025 at 1:48 AM
My vape pen just told me to “take care”
Come on, who hasn’t accidentally sparked up a hot dart on their private jet?
May 24, 2025 at 1:45 PM
Come on, who hasn’t accidentally sparked up a hot dart on their private jet?
Finished your jam? Fill the jar with vodka and stick it in your fridge so you can forget about it for six months before pouring it down the sink 🍸🍓
May 19, 2025 at 11:22 PM
Finished your jam? Fill the jar with vodka and stick it in your fridge so you can forget about it for six months before pouring it down the sink 🍸🍓
Have we made the joke yet about being liberated from our 401(k) funds??
April 5, 2025 at 1:01 PM
Have we made the joke yet about being liberated from our 401(k) funds??
Finally took some time outta the day to write a new opening of the Star-Spangled Banner for fans of this current administration: “O say can you see / can I cum yet daddy?”
March 25, 2025 at 11:35 PM
Finally took some time outta the day to write a new opening of the Star-Spangled Banner for fans of this current administration: “O say can you see / can I cum yet daddy?”
I wonder if right wing MAGA nut jobs will be vilifying Sabrina Carpenter in the near future (They will.)
March 21, 2025 at 8:46 PM
I wonder if right wing MAGA nut jobs will be vilifying Sabrina Carpenter in the near future (They will.)
Is Bluesky the platform where a once-silent majority convinces Weird Al to write a parody of Fleetwood Mac’s “Little Lies” where the chorus is “give me fries, give me burgers and fries” ?????
February 23, 2025 at 6:32 PM
Is Bluesky the platform where a once-silent majority convinces Weird Al to write a parody of Fleetwood Mac’s “Little Lies” where the chorus is “give me fries, give me burgers and fries” ?????
Travolta isn’t doing Cage in Face/Off… he’s doing Travolta
February 1, 2025 at 10:44 PM
Travolta isn’t doing Cage in Face/Off… he’s doing Travolta
Are you there, Bob Wehadababyitsaboy? It’s me, Jeremy.
January 25, 2025 at 12:19 PM
Are you there, Bob Wehadababyitsaboy? It’s me, Jeremy.
We are in a PRIME POSITION for the return of Vine
January 19, 2025 at 11:59 AM
We are in a PRIME POSITION for the return of Vine
Congratulations to Ashli Babbitt for four years of sobriety from meth
January 6, 2025 at 1:43 PM
Congratulations to Ashli Babbitt for four years of sobriety from meth
NORMALIZE 👏🏻 VAPING 👏🏻 DURING 👏🏻 IMPORTANT 👏🏻 BUSINESS 👏🏻 MEETINGS 👏🏻
January 1, 2025 at 7:30 PM
NORMALIZE 👏🏻 VAPING 👏🏻 DURING 👏🏻 IMPORTANT 👏🏻 BUSINESS 👏🏻 MEETINGS 👏🏻
Hot take: What if Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively are BOTH total garbage?
January 1, 2025 at 1:56 AM
Hot take: What if Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively are BOTH total garbage?
My four-year-old just called me the “King of Alcohol”
December 23, 2024 at 4:17 PM
My four-year-old just called me the “King of Alcohol”
This morning my 4-year-old told me she was going to “bury me under the ocean”
December 22, 2024 at 12:13 AM
This morning my 4-year-old told me she was going to “bury me under the ocean”
Let’s make this media company’s least charismatic employee eat something on camera
December 19, 2024 at 12:15 AM
Let’s make this media company’s least charismatic employee eat something on camera
That's me changing the 'G' in 'Oh my God' to a lowercase "g" to correct a presumptuous dictation by Siri The Pious.
December 18, 2024 at 5:46 PM
That's me changing the 'G' in 'Oh my God' to a lowercase "g" to correct a presumptuous dictation by Siri The Pious.
I think I’ve successfully trained Face ID to recognize me with a vape in my mouth
December 15, 2024 at 7:17 PM
I think I’ve successfully trained Face ID to recognize me with a vape in my mouth
Growing up, the only TV dad I idolized was Danny Tanner’s human projection of classless filth: Manny Tanner
December 8, 2024 at 2:52 PM
Growing up, the only TV dad I idolized was Danny Tanner’s human projection of classless filth: Manny Tanner
Am I crazy or has the Gilt group been looking for an associate copywriter since 2008
December 7, 2024 at 9:53 PM
Am I crazy or has the Gilt group been looking for an associate copywriter since 2008
Lord vape me strength
December 5, 2024 at 10:57 PM
Lord vape me strength
IDEA: Documentary about the Beatles
December 5, 2024 at 8:36 PM
IDEA: Documentary about the Beatles
What a thrill it is to be back at the stage in life where my mom is mad at me all the time
November 28, 2024 at 5:55 PM
What a thrill it is to be back at the stage in life where my mom is mad at me all the time
There has to be a reason every food item sold at TJ Maxx tastes so much like its packaging
November 27, 2024 at 2:18 AM
There has to be a reason every food item sold at TJ Maxx tastes so much like its packaging