only two types of people eat beans on toast: the brits and divorced dads.

truly incredible that i have a hot girlfriend that loves me dearly despite my only hobbies being going to the gym and eating protein

carcinogen enjoyers rise up

harry potter enjoyers read a book since turning 12 challenge (impossiblr)

coolest thing about being trans is having a pussy so loose i fit all my wares in it.

slob on my knob. corn on the kob. get in with me. and do your job.

i’m gonna fuckin kill myself