just put my coffee in the freezer to cool it off without setting my phone alarm for 5 minutes to remind me to take it out. the most dangerous game. see you on the other side fuckers.

it makes me so angry when tv shows have questions as their title, whose line is it anyway? idk you hold the cue cards not me, am i smarter than a fifth grader? look at me. no.

Rate my Call of Duty name

hey idiots at traffic violations: instead of charging a $350 ticket to a law abiding citizen how about you address the real reason i traveled at 130mph in a schoolzone: a culture of toxic masculinity

yes im a teen milf. no mom its not a phase.

doctor: are you sexually active?
me: *points down at limited edition light up heelys*
doctor: *writes "hell yes" on clipboard*