im scared to talk to my psychologist abt it too... ik it would do me good to get it off my chest to another person face to face but im terrified of judgement or being turned away again... i was just turned away from my last therapist cause i finally told her something i was scared to tell her...

put it onto paper...
that shit was the only thing that allowed me to open the locked doors of trauma in my mind... i read the therapy groups for it and i relate to so many of the stories in there... but they all have the money to obtain it legally... something i don't have...

and i constantly get scared trying to find someone to provide this for me will make ppl immediately assume im addicted and they wont listen to the fact i microdose every other week... i like dont know what to fucking do cause all my emotions and feelings just keep getting boxed up b4 i can even-

them up nd ignoring them.
it sux cause my friends r either recovering addix or have never done and want nothing to do with drugs or talkig about them... something that helped me even if it was in a "minor" way to some is now gone and it fucking sux. it fucking sux.

“why can’t i feel it? why does this not phase me?”

oil on watercolor paper.

hate me.
do it and do it again.
waste me.
rape me, my friend.

i’m not the only one.
i’m not the only one.
i’m not the only one.
i’m not the only one.