sorry im so dumb that i made you explain your joke until it wasn't funny anymore

tonight i sang I Think We're Alone Now by Tiffany and an older guy at the bar came over to tell me he didn't realize it was karaoke and thought the original was playing bc i sounded so good 🥹 i love this fucking job

oops i did it again! (made a whole crew of employees realize they're being taken advantage of and then empowered them to stand up for themselves through collective action)

"i only JUST learned that JoJo's Bizarre Adventure has nothing to do with Jojo Siwa" just came out of my partner's mouth and it made want to study his brain

i had a dream last night that i was dating Edward Cullen but he was cheating on me with a younger, thinner woman who also happened to be pregnant and now i know how it feels to be one of the women in these mobile game ads