Perhaps one day things will be different, but pretending they don’t exist won’t change them. Dissociation only does so much. Incorporating these images is a step towards acceptance, towards compassion, towards healing.

That being said - I miss how things were, the things I could do and show up for that are no longer easily accessible. It’s easy to put on a front that everything is ok, to pretend, to run. It will not save you or change your circumstance. Disease thrives in avoidance.

It feels daunting when I actually sit with an examine everything “wrong” with my body. Trauma manifests itself through illness - it is hard to carry the weight of both illness and trauma and their cyclical nature. Learning to embrace these parts of myself instead of abandoning them is key.

Also shout out to all the poor east van kids who grew up at skeena