Hiring your brother is the original affirmative action for white people.

learning about history is just the academic version of spilling tea

wearing my grippy socks to a haunted house signing feels like wearing an ancient religious relic to church

seven years today. miss you, mom.

never thought being a writer would include google searches like “what does a bog taste like” but here we are
#writer #writerlife

told my sister she’s beneficiary on my life insurance if both my wife and I die and now she wants us to visit the catacombs beneath her house during a party, should we be worried?

Babe, are you okay? You didn’t even laugh at my dead mom joke.

hr refuses to accept that my retirement plan is to become baba yaga

Everyday I wake up and wish I was a frog.