Bridget 💘
@bridgethassed.bsky.social
Comedian, will marry for money
https://linktr.ee/bridgethassed
https://linktr.ee/bridgethassed
Hey guys, I forgot to go viral/get really big in here before the comedy festival (idiot!) but just letting know I have previews of my show tonight and tomorrow, and then regular ones til the 12th if that’s something that interests you x
April 1, 2025 at 3:59 AM
Hey guys, I forgot to go viral/get really big in here before the comedy festival (idiot!) but just letting know I have previews of my show tonight and tomorrow, and then regular ones til the 12th if that’s something that interests you x
I’m so sorry to the massage lady I lied to and said I slept on my shoulder weird, but actually pinched the nerve while jackin it this morning. I wish we lived in a world where we could all be more truthful x
March 8, 2025 at 6:45 AM
I’m so sorry to the massage lady I lied to and said I slept on my shoulder weird, but actually pinched the nerve while jackin it this morning. I wish we lived in a world where we could all be more truthful x
The abortion arguement of “It might have been the person who went on to cure cancer!” always feels so null and void when I’m getting ready for bed. If I didn’t have to put 5 layers of creams and serums on my face twice a day since I was 13, ✨I✨ might have been the person to cure cancer.
March 2, 2025 at 11:51 PM
The abortion arguement of “It might have been the person who went on to cure cancer!” always feels so null and void when I’m getting ready for bed. If I didn’t have to put 5 layers of creams and serums on my face twice a day since I was 13, ✨I✨ might have been the person to cure cancer.
Having a cut on your asshole is crazy, how is that ever meant to heal? How do I not just have two buttholes now?
February 23, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Having a cut on your asshole is crazy, how is that ever meant to heal? How do I not just have two buttholes now?
The soft animal of my body needs a cigarette
February 22, 2025 at 10:44 AM
The soft animal of my body needs a cigarette
Oh, you’re “practising” non-monogamy? How about you let me know when you’re any good at it
February 22, 2025 at 3:59 AM
Oh, you’re “practising” non-monogamy? How about you let me know when you’re any good at it
I am once again begging Melania to drop her medication list
January 21, 2025 at 12:03 AM
I am once again begging Melania to drop her medication list
Maybe men would be better at multitasking if they could also get a UTI and thrush at the same time
January 19, 2025 at 11:57 PM
Maybe men would be better at multitasking if they could also get a UTI and thrush at the same time
My acupuncturist had his elbow in my ass for half an hour and made me cry —
I didn’t realise we were going steady
I didn’t realise we were going steady
January 14, 2025 at 3:08 AM
My acupuncturist had his elbow in my ass for half an hour and made me cry —
I didn’t realise we were going steady
I didn’t realise we were going steady
Not everybody has $450, the patience to compress an image 7 different times, or the ability to make a registration deadline by the skin of their teeth even with months of notice — but I did!
𝙇𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙐𝙥 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙮 𝙎𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙁𝙚𝙢𝙖𝙡𝙚 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝙇𝙤𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙮 𝙁𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙖𝙡 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩 at this years @melbcomedyfestival ✨
𝙇𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙐𝙥 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙮 𝙎𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙁𝙚𝙢𝙖𝙡𝙚 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝙇𝙤𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙮 𝙁𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙖𝙡 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩 at this years @melbcomedyfestival ✨
January 9, 2025 at 4:09 AM
Not everybody has $450, the patience to compress an image 7 different times, or the ability to make a registration deadline by the skin of their teeth even with months of notice — but I did!
𝙇𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙐𝙥 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙮 𝙎𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙁𝙚𝙢𝙖𝙡𝙚 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝙇𝙤𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙮 𝙁𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙖𝙡 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩 at this years @melbcomedyfestival ✨
𝙇𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙐𝙥 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙮 𝙎𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙁𝙚𝙢𝙖𝙡𝙚 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝙇𝙤𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙮 𝙁𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙖𝙡 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩 at this years @melbcomedyfestival ✨
Bouldering is just stationary parkour
January 2, 2025 at 4:27 AM
Bouldering is just stationary parkour
In an unplanned sequence of events I just took a Valium and then vacuumed the house, and honestly, I get it
December 27, 2024 at 6:19 AM
In an unplanned sequence of events I just took a Valium and then vacuumed the house, and honestly, I get it
I hope Rachel Sennot is having a nice Hanukkah
December 25, 2024 at 4:28 AM
I hope Rachel Sennot is having a nice Hanukkah
The people who deserve a holiday the most are the ones on my close friends list
December 22, 2024 at 5:05 AM
The people who deserve a holiday the most are the ones on my close friends list
Do you think early humans also thought “god, I hope I don’t run into Matt while I look like total SHIT!”
December 22, 2024 at 2:49 AM
Do you think early humans also thought “god, I hope I don’t run into Matt while I look like total SHIT!”
If you tell your friends you’re “depwessed” legally they can’t be as worried about you
December 22, 2024 at 2:01 AM
If you tell your friends you’re “depwessed” legally they can’t be as worried about you
You’re practising ENM? Get back to me when you’ve mastered it
December 19, 2024 at 1:08 AM
You’re practising ENM? Get back to me when you’ve mastered it
Yeah, so, I bought a pack of cigarettes! What matters is that I meditated afterwards, therefore cancelling it out.
December 11, 2024 at 6:54 AM
Yeah, so, I bought a pack of cigarettes! What matters is that I meditated afterwards, therefore cancelling it out.
Deny, defend, dispose is just gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss for assassins
December 6, 2024 at 12:07 AM
Deny, defend, dispose is just gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss for assassins
I love the freeze response, just the bodies way of going ‘I can sense the vibes are off, but I’m just going to see how this all plays out’
December 3, 2024 at 3:51 AM
I love the freeze response, just the bodies way of going ‘I can sense the vibes are off, but I’m just going to see how this all plays out’
Made a comment about a friend recently saying he’d “really grown up recently”, but I just realised he had just stopped trying to fuck me
December 2, 2024 at 12:37 PM
Made a comment about a friend recently saying he’d “really grown up recently”, but I just realised he had just stopped trying to fuck me
The last three guys I’ve slept with have all asked me if I’m a squirter. If you want a squirter sooo badly, go fuck a man?
November 30, 2024 at 1:26 AM
The last three guys I’ve slept with have all asked me if I’m a squirter. If you want a squirter sooo badly, go fuck a man?
Smoking a cig while drinking a green juice in a real duality of man/two wolves moment
November 29, 2024 at 3:25 AM
Smoking a cig while drinking a green juice in a real duality of man/two wolves moment