So I’m trying to learn to let off the ego, in favor of understanding the many parts within me, and giving each of them equal love.

It appears to be a necessity as imperative as eating and breathing—for everyone to be forced to regard this chaos as a unity and to speak of his ego as though it were a one‑fold and clearly detached and fixed phenomenon. Even the best of us shares this delusion.”

For a long time now, I’ve been wandering in the words of Hermann Hesse:

”Every ego, so far from being a unity, is in the highest degree a manifold world, a constellated heaven, a chaos of forms, of states and stages, of inheritances and potentialities…

I hear you! You have clearly thought a lot about this, and I can recognize parts of it in myself. What I struggle with is when self-discipline turns into an internalization of the system’s logic - where you’re expected to become better, harder, faster, bigger.