I would like to announce my support for PEECAN™. I renounce the use of the word pecan. It is forever PEECAN all hail the PEECAN! Now on another topic: Please give me the best meme moveset for vaporeon.

Sorry, I just woke up. What did I miss?

Foxes are just chaotic dogs

If I perish, give my things to my dog

All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager!

Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons!

Sneak peak of whats next on twitch

Why are oranges called, oranges and lemons lemons but not called yellows ?

It isn't until you perish that your skeleton finally hatches.

Good ghosts are the ones scaring you to keep you away. The bad ones want to draw you in.

🥲

How does a sponge hold water when it’s full of holes?

“Live” is just “evil” spelled backward.

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies when you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you.

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." poof. He disappeared without a tres.

Whenever you eat canned pieces of fruit, you are more than likely sharing one whole fruit with someone hundreds of miles away.

“Do not touch” would be scary to read in braille.

Im craving a grilled cheese right now

People aren't angry about paying taxes. They are angry about the poor use of it.

Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can't cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.

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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound or just a bunch of tweets?

Hehehehehe I sure do love me some MUHFUGGIN SALAMI

Sleep should be rolled over. Like "Oh, you got 20 hours of sleep today? Cool man, you don't need sleep for the next three days."

When my dog brings me the same toy, I wonder if it's his favorite toy or if he thinks it is my favorite toy.