@brandon-fairchild.bsky.social
OK... that you so, so much! This was the best ACTIONABLE feedback I have received!! I will work on it and post again later today (dentist appt now). Thanks again!!!
November 7, 2025 at 4:44 PM
OK... that you so, so much! This was the best ACTIONABLE feedback I have received!! I will work on it and post again later today (dentist appt now). Thanks again!!!
available to all crusaders but instead falls in love with the Viscount’s son with whom he has made the journey—and whom has a destiny of his own to fulfil.
November 7, 2025 at 4:37 PM
available to all crusaders but instead falls in love with the Viscount’s son with whom he has made the journey—and whom has a destiny of his own to fulfil.
Is this more like it?
Desperate to cleanse his soul of carnal sin and claim the autonomy absent from a life of servitude, a high-placed, twelfth-century servant struggles his way to the Holy Land to seek the papal indulgence on sin
Desperate to cleanse his soul of carnal sin and claim the autonomy absent from a life of servitude, a high-placed, twelfth-century servant struggles his way to the Holy Land to seek the papal indulgence on sin
November 7, 2025 at 4:37 PM
Is this more like it?
Desperate to cleanse his soul of carnal sin and claim the autonomy absent from a life of servitude, a high-placed, twelfth-century servant struggles his way to the Holy Land to seek the papal indulgence on sin
Desperate to cleanse his soul of carnal sin and claim the autonomy absent from a life of servitude, a high-placed, twelfth-century servant struggles his way to the Holy Land to seek the papal indulgence on sin
to all crusaders but instead falls in love with the Viscount’s son with whom he has made the journey—and whom has a destiny of his own to fulfil.
November 7, 2025 at 4:35 PM
to all crusaders but instead falls in love with the Viscount’s son with whom he has made the journey—and whom has a destiny of his own to fulfil.
Desperate to cleanse his soul of carnal sin and claim the autonomy absent from a life of servitude, a high-placed, twelfth-century servant struggles his way to the Holy Land to seek the papal indulgence on sin available
November 7, 2025 at 4:35 PM
Desperate to cleanse his soul of carnal sin and claim the autonomy absent from a life of servitude, a high-placed, twelfth-century servant struggles his way to the Holy Land to seek the papal indulgence on sin available
Wow, thank you so much for including this! I have time this morning to read and digest.
November 7, 2025 at 4:09 PM
Wow, thank you so much for including this! I have time this morning to read and digest.
Thank you so much. I'll have to do some research on the difference between a logline and a pitch. Appreciated!
November 7, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Thank you so much. I'll have to do some research on the difference between a logline and a pitch. Appreciated!
This is close but doesn't quite make sense totally. How does her fabled ancestry relate to the history or her people's memory? Is she some kind of memory keeper or guardian? Also how does the "fairy tale" relate to the puppeteer? There is a lot going on here...
November 7, 2025 at 3:34 PM
This is close but doesn't quite make sense totally. How does her fabled ancestry relate to the history or her people's memory? Is she some kind of memory keeper or guardian? Also how does the "fairy tale" relate to the puppeteer? There is a lot going on here...
I really like Poppy's character already (and I have a total thing for the blacksmith characters... so hot) but I don't understand why the blacksmith moving in would cause her stability to crash or how he relates to her grief. What does he do or maybe it's about who he is exactly?
November 7, 2025 at 3:26 PM
I really like Poppy's character already (and I have a total thing for the blacksmith characters... so hot) but I don't understand why the blacksmith moving in would cause her stability to crash or how he relates to her grief. What does he do or maybe it's about who he is exactly?
This is AWESOME! How imaginative... I would pick this up at the bookstore for sure. Great pitch! I somehow wonder if the romance could be punched up ever so slightly... just a one word change might make a difference.
November 7, 2025 at 3:23 PM
This is AWESOME! How imaginative... I would pick this up at the bookstore for sure. Great pitch! I somehow wonder if the romance could be punched up ever so slightly... just a one word change might make a difference.
It's a hard concept to explain in 300 words but, yes, feel free to look it up. Basically, the pope promised fighters in the crusade forgiveness of their sins in some instances. That is the gist.
November 7, 2025 at 3:21 PM
It's a hard concept to explain in 300 words but, yes, feel free to look it up. Basically, the pope promised fighters in the crusade forgiveness of their sins in some instances. That is the gist.
First sentence doesn't make sense ("gets" his boyfriend?). Does she kidnap the boyfriend or the assassin? The pronoun "his" makes this unclear. It's also very unclear how the first sentence relates to the second sentence at all... what does the old relic have to do with the force as old as time?
November 7, 2025 at 3:19 PM
First sentence doesn't make sense ("gets" his boyfriend?). Does she kidnap the boyfriend or the assassin? The pronoun "his" makes this unclear. It's also very unclear how the first sentence relates to the second sentence at all... what does the old relic have to do with the force as old as time?
Thank you for the feedback. I think (hope) a target audience would know what a papal indulgence is but I'll keep that in mind.... and I'll consider the comma as well. Thanks for taking the time!
November 7, 2025 at 3:14 PM
Thank you for the feedback. I think (hope) a target audience would know what a papal indulgence is but I'll keep that in mind.... and I'll consider the comma as well. Thanks for taking the time!
The comps are One Night in Hartswood by Emma Denny and Solomon’s Crown by Natasha Siegel. Thank you for your encouragement!
November 7, 2025 at 3:08 PM
The comps are One Night in Hartswood by Emma Denny and Solomon’s Crown by Natasha Siegel. Thank you for your encouragement!
IMHO, too wordy. You should cut everything after "destruction by raiders" and then be more specific about this "key to peace" (which I think will also allude to the "archaic tech" you mentioned). You should also be more specific than "raiders" it sounds generic.
November 7, 2025 at 2:41 PM
IMHO, too wordy. You should cut everything after "destruction by raiders" and then be more specific about this "key to peace" (which I think will also allude to the "archaic tech" you mentioned). You should also be more specific than "raiders" it sounds generic.
I'll definitely take those vibes. Thank you. I actually haven't read red white and royal blue because it's contemporary (I think?) but I probably should since it's so ubiquitous in the genre. I usually don't read a ton of contemporary.
November 7, 2025 at 1:57 PM
I'll definitely take those vibes. Thank you. I actually haven't read red white and royal blue because it's contemporary (I think?) but I probably should since it's so ubiquitous in the genre. I usually don't read a ton of contemporary.
Gotcha. That makes sense.
November 7, 2025 at 1:53 PM
Gotcha. That makes sense.
Solomon's Crown by Natasha Siegel and One Night in Hartswood by Emma Denny😊
November 7, 2025 at 1:51 PM
Solomon's Crown by Natasha Siegel and One Night in Hartswood by Emma Denny😊
Thank you for putting together this opportunity!
November 7, 2025 at 1:47 PM
Thank you for putting together this opportunity!
What genre is this? I think this would be strongest if it were posed as "alternate history" with a time travel premise. Just an opinion.
November 7, 2025 at 1:46 PM
What genre is this? I think this would be strongest if it were posed as "alternate history" with a time travel premise. Just an opinion.
I liked version 1 the best. It's the most clear and creates intrigue without confusing incomplete sentences.
November 7, 2025 at 1:39 PM
I liked version 1 the best. It's the most clear and creates intrigue without confusing incomplete sentences.
I found the initial question you asked confusing. I thought the next sentence was really pretty strong though. My opinion is to drop to question in the beginning and add the context with the Cold War into the "When..." sentence.
November 7, 2025 at 1:34 PM
I found the initial question you asked confusing. I thought the next sentence was really pretty strong though. My opinion is to drop to question in the beginning and add the context with the Cold War into the "When..." sentence.
This is a well-done pitch for what I assume is middle grade!
November 7, 2025 at 1:31 PM
This is a well-done pitch for what I assume is middle grade!
This seems to rely on vibes based on some key words and bullet points. What is the one-sentence pitch? Who is the main character, what are their stakes, etc?
November 7, 2025 at 1:29 PM
This seems to rely on vibes based on some key words and bullet points. What is the one-sentence pitch? Who is the main character, what are their stakes, etc?