Garfeldi
@brakahan.bsky.social
I came out swinging from a North Jersey basement caked in stale beer and sweat under half-lit fluorescents
Damn, they weren't kidding about drug addicted immigrants destroying our nation. They just didn't include the detail that it would solely be Elon Musk
June 2, 2025 at 10:20 PM
Damn, they weren't kidding about drug addicted immigrants destroying our nation. They just didn't include the detail that it would solely be Elon Musk
The YT account on the right shows up randomly in my YouTube shorts and I watch them for hours while stoned, I was worried the guy was gonna get a bad review because all his food looks like perfection 😅
In the clurrrb (sandwich), we all fam (🎥: notoriousfoodie)
May 24, 2025 at 9:05 PM
The YT account on the right shows up randomly in my YouTube shorts and I watch them for hours while stoned, I was worried the guy was gonna get a bad review because all his food looks like perfection 😅
About a month ago, I was at a dive bar with some friends around 1am and my Pokemon TCGP stamina pack recovered. I had a friend "pick" a pack to open and I ended up getting a shiny Beedrill. The bouncer, who was peering over my shoulder, congratulated me because he's been trying for the shinier too 😤
May 9, 2025 at 3:40 AM
About a month ago, I was at a dive bar with some friends around 1am and my Pokemon TCGP stamina pack recovered. I had a friend "pick" a pack to open and I ended up getting a shiny Beedrill. The bouncer, who was peering over my shoulder, congratulated me because he's been trying for the shinier too 😤
If I became Pope, I would change my name to Pope Deez
May 9, 2025 at 3:27 AM
If I became Pope, I would change my name to Pope Deez
Playing videogames as a full blown adult just means seeing "Find all 39 collectibles" achievements and knowing right away that you're not attempting it
May 8, 2025 at 2:21 AM
Playing videogames as a full blown adult just means seeing "Find all 39 collectibles" achievements and knowing right away that you're not attempting it
Me and the ticket scalper asking for 400% ticket cost for the Shakey Graves concert starting in an hour knowing damn well I'm only paying for 200% ticket cost max and will leave them holding the bag
a man with a beard is wearing a fur coat and looking at the camera .
ALT: a man with a beard is wearing a fur coat and looking at the camera .
media.tenor.com
May 7, 2025 at 10:57 PM
Me and the ticket scalper asking for 400% ticket cost for the Shakey Graves concert starting in an hour knowing damn well I'm only paying for 200% ticket cost max and will leave them holding the bag
OH so when HE tells you to drink his blood, he's the son of God. BUT WHEN I DO IT-
May 3, 2025 at 10:00 PM
OH so when HE tells you to drink his blood, he's the son of God. BUT WHEN I DO IT-
Looked up the kid's collegiate stats. He won't be in draft contention once he's eligible but you damn well know everyone's gonna prank call him during thay draft anyway
Falcons say son of DC Jeff Ulbrich prank-called Shedeur Sanders reut.rs/44Ij0Lh
Falcons say son of DC Jeff Ulbrich prank-called Shedeur Sanders
The son of Atlanta Falcons defensive coordinator Jeff Ulbrich orchestrated Friday's prank call to Shedeur Sanders amid the quarterback prospect's fall in the NFL draft.
reut.rs
April 27, 2025 at 11:53 PM
Looked up the kid's collegiate stats. He won't be in draft contention once he's eligible but you damn well know everyone's gonna prank call him during thay draft anyway
Has anyone watched I Niw Pronounce You Chuck and Larry within the past decade or two? I remember seeing it in theaters but I have not watched it since
April 27, 2025 at 4:15 AM
Has anyone watched I Niw Pronounce You Chuck and Larry within the past decade or two? I remember seeing it in theaters but I have not watched it since
r/Moviecritic has been on a trend of asking about actresses acting skills while posting the biggest cleavage pictures of them possible. This comment may be the funniest thing I've seen all month. Bravo.
April 24, 2025 at 2:50 AM
r/Moviecritic has been on a trend of asking about actresses acting skills while posting the biggest cleavage pictures of them possible. This comment may be the funniest thing I've seen all month. Bravo.
To make it funny instead of sad, just ad lib Randy Marsh into everything this cabinet does:
Randy Marsh keeps including wrong people in classified Intel.
The pope dies immediately after meeting with Randy Marsh.
Randy Marsh hires an unqualified Qanon as FBI Deputy Director.
They broke satire.
Randy Marsh keeps including wrong people in classified Intel.
The pope dies immediately after meeting with Randy Marsh.
Randy Marsh hires an unqualified Qanon as FBI Deputy Director.
They broke satire.
April 21, 2025 at 4:25 PM
To make it funny instead of sad, just ad lib Randy Marsh into everything this cabinet does:
Randy Marsh keeps including wrong people in classified Intel.
The pope dies immediately after meeting with Randy Marsh.
Randy Marsh hires an unqualified Qanon as FBI Deputy Director.
They broke satire.
Randy Marsh keeps including wrong people in classified Intel.
The pope dies immediately after meeting with Randy Marsh.
Randy Marsh hires an unqualified Qanon as FBI Deputy Director.
They broke satire.
Can't wait until Hegseth accidentally air drops highly classified plans to bomb Delaware to his pet sitter
April 21, 2025 at 4:19 PM
Can't wait until Hegseth accidentally air drops highly classified plans to bomb Delaware to his pet sitter
Bequeath is such a good word, but there's never a chance to use it in a serious situation
April 16, 2025 at 4:46 AM
Bequeath is such a good word, but there's never a chance to use it in a serious situation
Hate to be a Debbie-Downer, but I honestly believe Abrego Garcia is dead. Remember how hard they tried telling us Jamal Khashoggi was still alive and well while he was already diced into pieces and carried across country lines??
April 14, 2025 at 6:44 PM
Hate to be a Debbie-Downer, but I honestly believe Abrego Garcia is dead. Remember how hard they tried telling us Jamal Khashoggi was still alive and well while he was already diced into pieces and carried across country lines??
These instagram ad algos are getting too good. I just got an ad for a shirt company that makes shirts for 5'7" guys who are not too short statistically but still feel insecurely short and tell everyone they're 5'8"
April 11, 2025 at 4:06 PM
These instagram ad algos are getting too good. I just got an ad for a shirt company that makes shirts for 5'7" guys who are not too short statistically but still feel insecurely short and tell everyone they're 5'8"
As someone named Brandon, another real shitty part about a Trump presidency is the lack of "Let's Go Brandon" signs. It feels like no one is rooting for me anymore =/
April 10, 2025 at 8:10 PM
As someone named Brandon, another real shitty part about a Trump presidency is the lack of "Let's Go Brandon" signs. It feels like no one is rooting for me anymore =/
Cigarettes & Saints by The Wonder Years will forever go down as the most beautifully written song in terms of lyrics. This bridge brings me to tears every time almost a decade and 2000 listens later
April 10, 2025 at 12:48 AM
Cigarettes & Saints by The Wonder Years will forever go down as the most beautifully written song in terms of lyrics. This bridge brings me to tears every time almost a decade and 2000 listens later
Literally just blocking every furry account on my newsfeed now because the Bluesky algo is horrible and keeps putting furry porn in my newsfeed. The "Show less of this" option does nothing, the "report for unwanted sexual content" does nothing. FFS MAKE IT STOP @support.bsky.team
April 9, 2025 at 3:14 PM
Literally just blocking every furry account on my newsfeed now because the Bluesky algo is horrible and keeps putting furry porn in my newsfeed. The "Show less of this" option does nothing, the "report for unwanted sexual content" does nothing. FFS MAKE IT STOP @support.bsky.team
There are two wolves inside of me:
One wolf wants to Irish goodbye the bar to eat wings/ramen and play videogames stoned. The other wolf wants to stay out at the bars with all the homies.
The former wolf is winning this battle by a landslide tbh
One wolf wants to Irish goodbye the bar to eat wings/ramen and play videogames stoned. The other wolf wants to stay out at the bars with all the homies.
The former wolf is winning this battle by a landslide tbh
April 5, 2025 at 3:31 AM
There are two wolves inside of me:
One wolf wants to Irish goodbye the bar to eat wings/ramen and play videogames stoned. The other wolf wants to stay out at the bars with all the homies.
The former wolf is winning this battle by a landslide tbh
One wolf wants to Irish goodbye the bar to eat wings/ramen and play videogames stoned. The other wolf wants to stay out at the bars with all the homies.
The former wolf is winning this battle by a landslide tbh
Reposted by Garfeldi
This stock market crash thing is so confusing. On one hand you have every economist and bank in the free world freaking out. On the other, there are some blue check accounts on Twitter with ancient statues as their profile pics doing 20 part threads on why down is the new up. 🤷🏻♀️
April 4, 2025 at 7:55 PM
This stock market crash thing is so confusing. On one hand you have every economist and bank in the free world freaking out. On the other, there are some blue check accounts on Twitter with ancient statues as their profile pics doing 20 part threads on why down is the new up. 🤷🏻♀️
Oura ring: Wow, you did not get good sleep last night. You should really take it easy today.
Also Oura ring: Go burn at least 500 active calories today, you fat fuck
Also Oura ring: Go burn at least 500 active calories today, you fat fuck
April 4, 2025 at 6:17 PM
Oura ring: Wow, you did not get good sleep last night. You should really take it easy today.
Also Oura ring: Go burn at least 500 active calories today, you fat fuck
Also Oura ring: Go burn at least 500 active calories today, you fat fuck
"Nobody could have seen this coming"
Says literally the only people who didn't see this coming
Says literally the only people who didn't see this coming
April 4, 2025 at 3:02 PM
"Nobody could have seen this coming"
Says literally the only people who didn't see this coming
Says literally the only people who didn't see this coming
Ten years ago: This super hero movie has to be grounded in realism or else I'll lose my suspension of disbelief.
Today: The dog has powers like superman? I don't care why, I just love it
Today: The dog has powers like superman? I don't care why, I just love it
April 4, 2025 at 2:54 AM
Ten years ago: This super hero movie has to be grounded in realism or else I'll lose my suspension of disbelief.
Today: The dog has powers like superman? I don't care why, I just love it
Today: The dog has powers like superman? I don't care why, I just love it
Can we just stop with sugar free redbull? Like if I'm drinking a red bull, I am already consciously fucking up my body. If I'm already fucking up my body, might as well go in and not to "diet" fucking up my body
April 4, 2025 at 2:50 AM
Can we just stop with sugar free redbull? Like if I'm drinking a red bull, I am already consciously fucking up my body. If I'm already fucking up my body, might as well go in and not to "diet" fucking up my body
Also, I will genuinely pay for it if Marvel Rivals drops a Pymtron costume for Ultron
April 3, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Also, I will genuinely pay for it if Marvel Rivals drops a Pymtron costume for Ultron