Since my mom passed. I constantly scream at myself for failing to do more. I was a fucking lazy piece of shit, I could have done so much more, I could have kept her healthier longer I could have reversed her weight by actually giving a shit...

Its all lies, I did the best I could. But man...

I lived with and took care of my mom for a living. She got disability, and I got a paycheck for taking care of her. She lost her fight with her conditions on 9/11. So were, very tight on money now. Ive never done this, but any help the community ive created could provide would be amazing. Thank you.

If you never know loneliness respect that, don't take it for granted.
Mental illness sucks and when it causes you to isolate by pushing friends away, its the worst. You burn the bridges you built carefully over time and that trust is forever sabotaged.

If this is life let me fill out the death certificate and yeet out

No ones ready to hear about my problems. Because why would they care? Why would anyone give a shit?
Who is going to start looking at me and care about me, and then when I feel comfortable enough to open up about what actually bothers me, stay?

No one. Thats who. History of everyone leaving.

the insatiable urge to permanently power off

Im only this way
I've fallen on my own
I've made this mess
Now its over
Its nobodies fault
Its all my own
I've wasted
Everything
Forever

hey google, play Pale Morning Star.

I crashed out mid therapy because I was sad about regrets in my life. And now I am sitting here doing the heart-hurting chest thumping emotional longing for someone.

Uh oh, I think im manic or something. Im in a wild mood for 1am.

Somehow made it an entire day without having a conversation with any of my 'friends'.

I dont think people understand how much music exemplifies my state of mind. Music doesnt make me feel things, I express my feelings by listening to music... others have the words already and I just need them to say it for me.

Well who'll be there when I need someone
Count on nobody and no one will let you down
I don't care, just let me go
I don't need this anymore
Who'll be there when I have no one
Don't expect that anyone will go out of their way
I don't care that I'm all alone
I don't need this anymore

When sadness takes over, it is like a drowning effect.
First, its like the floor drops out. You sink.
Then as you're surfacing, you realize there is no shore. You cant even see where you fell from.
Lights in the distance all around you, but they are far.
You begin to swim so tired.
Barely treading.

idk maybe ill forget to wake up when I go to bed tonight, would be in everyones best interest apparently.

I dont even think this needs a whole account.
who's reading this? me?

bout it.

Got removed from a community for... I truly dont know what reason, but im sure I deserved it.

Nothing is forever, the abandonment still sucks. Though I can only imagine they are hive-minded "yeah fuck that guy" anyhow. Oh well. Everyone circles the wagons.