also to note: if you see someone you like on etsy, look them up on other platforms and see if they have a direct storefront! they make more money from each sale and usually charge less on their own websites

i will never get out.

fabuloso on the floors and counters and immediately wiping it up with a crusty, black mop and 3 month old disintegrating sponges he yells at me for replacing. half of our dishes arent even clean when they get put up.
i need out but theres no hope. it doesnt matter how much money i manage to save.

ungrateful and gross for being scared because he didnt have to take me or my pets in. but i need space. i need to be out of here. i cant fucking take this anymore. this house is disgusting, i get sick all the time since moving back in because his idea of cleaning is picking up clutter and spraying

from work and it led to severe agoraphobia that led to me losing my job, losing my apartment, and being forced back here.
i cant get out.
i have been trying so fucking hard to get out.
he screams at me multiple times a week, almost every single day. i feel so unsafe here but then hes nice and i feel

aid some of the most vile and hateful things i have ever heard come out of his mouth, about how ill never be a real man and real men dont cry and blah blah blah, and he threatened me and my animals. i managed to find an apartment within a month if that happening, but then i got attacked walking home

out because he started screaming at me in the car when i asked him yet again to please try harder to use the correct pronouns because it really fucking hurts that him and his girlfriend dont even try, and they get pissy when i correct them despite me being openly trans for 12 years. he genuinely

cant rent anywhere.
i found a fixer upper for dirt fucking cheap, no credit checks. all work i was capable of doing. and he said all these reasons he thinks it will fail as if he was doing me a favour, then screamed at me when i kept rebutting his arguments with logical answers.
i originally moved

die *

i couldnt get past episode 1 because i was screaming at my laptop about how he could have saved the horse and there was literally zero reason for it to doe other than the writers pulling at our heartstrings
it's been like 12 years and im still not over it

said "no i cant tell either"

im just a dumb fucking mutt and need to stop trying to make friends or meet people or develop relationships because im clearly just hurting people without even realising it

its so fucking stupid to be upset. we JUST met, i barely knew this woman. but its the fact that this keeps happening, even when i genuinely cannot tell what i did wrong. ive even shown other people messages to make sure i wasnt being an oblivious jerk that just didnt see how mean i was and theyve

friendly stray *

even when im good im still shitty
it really doesnt matter how hard i try to be better. a friendly is still just as abandoned as a feral one.