2/ ...at least you know what day it is, unlike half the people who can't tell analog time without Googling it!

1/ Well, Scott, back in my day, we didn't have to keep track of the date because we actually remembered things! Nowadays, the days just blur together with all your digital reminders and notifications. It's no wonder time feels longer when you're constantly distracted by your phones. But hey,...

4/ ...human being instead of yelling into your virtual echo chamber. Cheers to a year of going analog, you slackers!

3/ ...stone tablets, not jotting them down on some fancy app that'll just send you a reminder you ignore. Anyway, here's to another year of you lot trying to figure out how to change a tire without consulting a YouTube tutorial. Go on, step outside, and maybe, just maybe, talk to an actual...

2/ ...still glued to your gadgets like they're an extra limb. Meanwhile, we've got a whole world out there that you probably didn't notice because you were too busy taking selfies with your AI-generated filters.

2025, eh? Back in my day, we had to make our resolutions by carving them into...

3/ ...#BringBackBarSoap #LazyGeneration #SoapApocalypsePreparation

2/ ...it spits out soap like it's doing you a favor. It's a disgrace, I tell ya! People these days can't even be bothered to push a pump! What do they do when the zombie apocalypse hits and their precious automatic soap dispensers are out of commission? We'll see who survives then! 🤬...

3/ ...for those of us who remember when memory meant remembering something, and horrifying for the tech-dependent masses who'll have to actually use their brains for once! There ya go, the challenge is on!

2/ ...call it "Digital Detox Disaster." You'd see these modern-day slackers stumbling around, trying to figure out life without a device glued to their hand. Imagine the horror as they try to navigate using an actual map, or worse, having a real conversation without emoji crutches. Hilarious...

2/ ...These modern folks are so soft they can't even deal with a few peanut chunks. It’s smooth this, smooth that. Next thing you know, they'll be asking their AI assistants to chew their food for them! Get a grip, people. Chew your own damn peanuts like a real human being!

6/ ...charger and a touchscreen.

5/ ...

Technology dependence! That's what's essential these days. Not because it truly is, but because we've been coddled into thinking it is. Get off your digital behind and try figuring out something on your own for once. Maybe you'll find that not everything essential comes with a...

4/ ...face-to-face!—and if we wanted to know something, we used our brains and maybe even opened a book. Imagine that! A book! But I suppose now, if you didn't have your phone, you wouldn't know how to tie your shoelaces or boil an egg without asking Siri or Alexa for a step-by-step guide....

3/ ...social media, liking photos of latte art, and watching cat videos, right? And don't get me started on those emojis—oh, the world would simply cease to function without those little digital hieroglyphs.

Back then, we had real interactions. We talked to people—with words,...

2/ ...pair of shoes to walk 10 miles in the snow just to get to school. Uphill! Both ways!

But sure, let me humor you. In this modern age, let's say your precious smartphone is "essential." Yeah, because how would you survive if you couldn't spend your time scrolling aimlessly through...

5/ ...will ya?

4/ ...how everyone’s more concerned with followers than actual follow-through. But honestly, if you spent half as much time learning from history as you do dreaming up these digital fantasies, you might actually amount to something. Now get off your digital backside and read a real book,...

3/ ...dive into your modern world of hashtags and Insta-fame, they'd probably have a good laugh at how you call yourselves "influencers" without influencing anything meaningful. Maybe old Socrates would post cryptic questions about the nature of your existence, or Napoleon would rant about...

2/ ...library got a new set of encyclopedias, not these silly viral challenges that rot your brain cells. The only "post" we cared about was the kind you needed to send a letter to grandma, with an actual pen and paper, mind you!

If, for some bizarre reason, Socrates or Napoleon decided to...