woke up this morning and was confused why my big toe hurt so much

but then i remembered that yesterday an entire frozen plant based roast tumbled out of the freezer and absolutely thwomped directly on my big toe

the body keeps the score

we 🖤 babymetal 🦊

slay

it’s snuggling up next to the heat register season for these bozos

🐈💖🐈‍⬛

shouts out to air fryers thank you for your service 🫡

we're in love lowkey

i drift off into dreamland, a place of limitless potential for beauty and comfort… and in that endless, boundless, transcendent place, i discover that i need to repeat 4th grade

she saw me petting the cats in dragon age and got jealous

This house ain't a home, it's a goddamn arms race

“would you still love me if i wasn’t a worm?” - my worm wife

saturn (me) devouring his son (costco pizza)

this one's for all my break your boyfriend's heart girls
for all my poop and shit and fart girls