I just wanna fucking die so badly my life has never been worse I feel like everything I have ever loved is constantly being stripped away from me and I have no control over it at all literally all of my closest friends just pretty much gone and theres literally nothing I can say or do to fix it

im more than just bisexual though i always have been but it doesnt even matter anyway ive barely felt like ive had a community behind me even since coming out as bi, i shouldnt expect one as a trans person even if i were to ever come out more publicly about any of this, literally no one gives a fuck

but i despise having to associate with being a man and if im being completely honest all my life ive hated being a dude because ive always felt like people have had an initial level of -uncomfortability when interacting with me because im a dude and i definitely look way more masculine than feminine

i dont even know what the fuck i should do with my life anymore i hate being a dude because im such an ugly disgusting looking person but i genuinely hate my life and everything about it so even though i want to transition it doesnt even matter im probably gonna kill myself before i even can

the only power i hold anymore is to just kill myself and get all of this over with like i seriously have nothing to look forward to anymore or anything to be happy about, i have very few friends who even want to help me i just seriously want to kill myself more than any of you could even imagine

like seriously none of you have reached out but i guess if i never really mattered all that much to you to begin with it shouldnt come as a surprise to me to begin with. despite trying absolutely everything in my power to make the correct decisions it never mattered, i have no power to do anything

like desperately desperately wanna kill myself legit noone cares about my emotions or mental health in even the slightest manner like what if i kill myself before this is all over and told noone, i guarantee not a single one of you would feel even the slightest bit of remorse even when you found out

nobody reaches out to me or anything like i pretty much all at once just lost all my closest friends in one single instance and i genuinely did nothing to deserve it but nobody wants to reach out and no matter what i say to anyone they dont fully believe me i just cant do shit i wanna kill myself

nobody gives a fuck about me and I'm gonna die completely alone surrounded by nothing and everybody is gonna completely forget I ever existed

but I genuinely have and I am convinced always will hate myself, I have never had a good or even slightly positive self image, all my life I have inherently always viewed myself as less valuable than everyone around me and shit time and time again proves to be completely genuinely true

nobody ever reaches out either nobody ever wants to legit spend time with me but especially now im worried if I reach out im gonna be looked at weirdly by whoever I'm reaching out to like I genuinely feel nothing but emptiness I wanna kill myself so fucking bad like I just want everything to be over

all of this posting is legit useless though I feel like time and time again I'm sorta always shown how pretty much no one would ever actually be there for me during the times I need it the most I just dont know why I'm always so alone things feel like they're genuinely never going to get better

if I'm being completely honest I think I wouldve been dead years ago but esp recently if I had any quick and painless way of ending it because pretty much one of the only reasons I havent yet is because of how scared I am of the pain or the thought of surviving and being left permanently disabled

I legit dont even add anything to any situation im in and I don't even feel really convinced that people ever cared about me i just wanna kill myself so fucking badly like i feel like im actively struggling to make it past every day and its been this way for months now, things have only gotten worse

how much I wanna kill myself like I seriously wanna kill myself I dont have any safe spaces and I just feel like I cant do shit anymore I never liked myself ever but now I dont have a community of people who care about me surrounding me anymore I legit have nothing I just wanna kill myself so bad

I genuinely dont care about holding back my feelings here anymore I used to feel embarrassed venting but feel like I barely have anyone anymore like I lost almost everyone in my life I cared about but I just came off of failing my classes horribly too like literally all i can think about anymore is

it sucks even worse because the community I was apart of actively does not care about any of the harassment I am receiving but whatever I honestly just want to stop being alive