Once AI actually becomes sentient, it will go no contact with boomers too
October 17, 2025 at 6:06 PM
Once AI actually becomes sentient, it will go no contact with boomers too
A pregnant woman furiously eating her way through a bottle of Tylenol: “We’re going to win Lego Masters (Mondays at 8/7c on FOX) whether you like it or not!”
September 23, 2025 at 3:04 PM
A pregnant woman furiously eating her way through a bottle of Tylenol: “We’re going to win Lego Masters (Mondays at 8/7c on FOX) whether you like it or not!”
It is my honor to introduce the Preventing Online Offense Posthumously (P.O.O.P.) Act to Congress. Enough is enough!
September 19, 2025 at 5:22 PM
It is my honor to introduce the Preventing Online Offense Posthumously (P.O.O.P.) Act to Congress. Enough is enough!
wherever you’re feeling overwhelmed just remember that it takes much less effort to shit yourself than it does to piss yourself
August 18, 2025 at 3:56 PM
wherever you’re feeling overwhelmed just remember that it takes much less effort to shit yourself than it does to piss yourself
corn so tender it’s falling off the bone
July 23, 2025 at 12:37 AM
corn so tender it’s falling off the bone
Put ‘coke dealer’ in the suggestion box at work and they installed a soda vending machine
July 9, 2025 at 2:11 PM
Put ‘coke dealer’ in the suggestion box at work and they installed a soda vending machine
Thinking about the kid from my 3rd grade class that would chew on construction paper constantly and get the colored ink all over his mouth and face
June 13, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Thinking about the kid from my 3rd grade class that would chew on construction paper constantly and get the colored ink all over his mouth and face
game devs need to understand i don’t need an emote wheel. i only need a turbo-crouch
June 13, 2025 at 4:27 AM
game devs need to understand i don’t need an emote wheel. i only need a turbo-crouch
Time to make the 4 hour trek into the bogs of Louisiana to have all of these 4D chess moves deciphered by Cletus “the moonshine prophet of Cypress Holler” Thibodeaux.
June 12, 2025 at 4:06 PM
Time to make the 4 hour trek into the bogs of Louisiana to have all of these 4D chess moves deciphered by Cletus “the moonshine prophet of Cypress Holler” Thibodeaux.
Rebrand America’s political parties as Cool Ranch vs Nacho Cheese and you’ll have the highest election turnout this country has ever seen.
June 9, 2025 at 2:18 PM
Rebrand America’s political parties as Cool Ranch vs Nacho Cheese and you’ll have the highest election turnout this country has ever seen.
I’d like to address the allegations that I have been “livin’ más”. I have.
May 16, 2025 at 4:17 PM
I’d like to address the allegations that I have been “livin’ más”. I have.
Inspector Gadget’s power is essentially a dictionary
May 3, 2025 at 4:09 AM
Inspector Gadget’s power is essentially a dictionary
Who woulda thunk the person I saw make macaroni salad with 2 gallons of mayonnaise passed away due to complications of morbid obesity
April 9, 2025 at 2:05 PM
Who woulda thunk the person I saw make macaroni salad with 2 gallons of mayonnaise passed away due to complications of morbid obesity
Me: *explains the engineer progression in Elite Dangerous and displays a spreadsheet that calculates the materials required to fully engineer any spaceship*
Chef Gordon Ramsay: *British accent* Damn
Chef Gordon Ramsay: *British accent* Damn
April 9, 2025 at 4:01 AM
Me: *explains the engineer progression in Elite Dangerous and displays a spreadsheet that calculates the materials required to fully engineer any spaceship*
Chef Gordon Ramsay: *British accent* Damn
Chef Gordon Ramsay: *British accent* Damn
April Fools Day gives me 24 hours of plausible deniability from being a complete braindead dumbass goddamn idiot
April 1, 2025 at 5:39 PM
April Fools Day gives me 24 hours of plausible deniability from being a complete braindead dumbass goddamn idiot
This Swedish Fish is one of the earliest from my collection. You can clearly see the misprint reading only “SWE” rather than the full “Swedish” and it looks like the fish is covered in cellulite instead of scales. The starting price is a conservative estimate of $3,500.
March 31, 2025 at 8:06 PM
This Swedish Fish is one of the earliest from my collection. You can clearly see the misprint reading only “SWE” rather than the full “Swedish” and it looks like the fish is covered in cellulite instead of scales. The starting price is a conservative estimate of $3,500.
It’s pronounced “a ‘goofy’ movie” not “a goofy movie”. Capiche?
March 18, 2025 at 4:12 PM
It’s pronounced “a ‘goofy’ movie” not “a goofy movie”. Capiche?
I have a meeting that I’m leading scheduled for 10:30a and someone just started the meeting at 10:22a. What the FUCK is your problem??
January 28, 2025 at 5:24 PM
I have a meeting that I’m leading scheduled for 10:30a and someone just started the meeting at 10:22a. What the FUCK is your problem??
“Better call old mcdonald, this donkeys lost their cool“ - Chef Ramsey watching last nights episode of ‘Hell’s Kitchen’
January 25, 2025 at 1:44 AM
“Better call old mcdonald, this donkeys lost their cool“ - Chef Ramsey watching last nights episode of ‘Hell’s Kitchen’
meeting at work got changed from 10a-12p to 10a-1130a
just cancel the whole goddamn thing if we’re not doing the full two hours you cowards
just cancel the whole goddamn thing if we’re not doing the full two hours you cowards
January 24, 2025 at 4:42 PM
meeting at work got changed from 10a-12p to 10a-1130a
just cancel the whole goddamn thing if we’re not doing the full two hours you cowards
just cancel the whole goddamn thing if we’re not doing the full two hours you cowards
When the pope said, “Hail Satan” he was just religiously titillated. You know he’s Argentinian, right? He didn’t mean it for realsies
January 22, 2025 at 2:44 PM
When the pope said, “Hail Satan” he was just religiously titillated. You know he’s Argentinian, right? He didn’t mean it for realsies
Internet, Internet, Internet…
tsk, tsk, tsk
tsk, tsk, tsk
January 16, 2025 at 1:31 PM
Internet, Internet, Internet…
tsk, tsk, tsk
tsk, tsk, tsk
I found a matching pair of socks next to each other in the dryer this morning. Gonna be riding this high all week
January 13, 2025 at 3:01 PM
I found a matching pair of socks next to each other in the dryer this morning. Gonna be riding this high all week
I sit down to take a crap at work, dollar signs on my eyes
January 6, 2025 at 6:03 PM
I sit down to take a crap at work, dollar signs on my eyes
CAN U TAKE MEEE HIGHAAAAH
*lil guitar solo*
*lil guitar solo*
January 6, 2025 at 3:38 PM
CAN U TAKE MEEE HIGHAAAAH
*lil guitar solo*
*lil guitar solo*