her: we should travel more. Why don't you want to go anywhere
me: I do
her: where??
me: to da couch 😎

In the 90s it was required by law for every class to have one kid who was online and used the screen name "Pastor_of_Muppets"

sometimes I wish I would get bonked on the head and turn into not-a-fuckup like that one episode of The Flintstones where Fred became a good husband and friend for half an episode

when I was in 3rd grade my friend tried to claim he called boobs "3DO's" because they were like "3D versions of the letter O" and he even drew it on the chalkboard for a visual and it still made no sense

love when I look up a song on YouTube and it's a music video in 4:3 format. That 4:3 aspect ratio is like the Nintendo Seal of Quality

I made the mistake of opening the other site for the first time in like a month and I just keep getting ads of this little guy locked in his shower. let him out