Jason Statham movies are the best airplane movies.

@sheaserrano.bsky.social @netw3rk.bsky.social
Finding out six trophies was ending was like releasing a bunny into the wild and having a hawk snatch it out of nowhere. It had so much life ahead of itself.

Guy opens up his carry on bag for the tsa to check, half of it was filled with potatoes. I need to know where’s he’s going that he couldn’t just buy potatoes when he landed...

Me: can you make margaritas?
Vendor: we only have Palomas.
Other vendor: I can make you a shitty margarita. You want one?
Me: Sure, sounds great.
Other vendor: I’ll put some grapefruit juice in it.
Other vendor: well, how is it?
Me: :::takes sip:::
Shitty.
Other vendor: alright.

Dental hygenist: I’m not gonna sugar coat it, you need to floss every day or your gums will get much worse.
Me: you can sugar coat it a little.
Dental hygienist: ...you have nice teeth.
Me: that helps a little.

My phone decided I was acting my age too much and got rid of my gif keyboard. How else can I connect with younger people now?

The arcade game Captain America and the Avengers, which you died as Captain America prepared me for the current news cycle. youtu.be/4Xu-ycWVK44?...

When that picture posted ai responses of “respond like you’re over 35” or “respond with a gif” and the caption was they are the same thing. I was attacked.

Scissors at my desk and working in a cubicle means my trash can is filled with random hair everyday. 💅

just realized the gym scale was off by 25 pounds. So I’m not horribly out of shape! …only slightly out of shape…ish.

Friend talking about her partner

Her: he said the toilet was getting dirty and he was gonna clean it but instead just tried peeing it off...

Me: before we continue, just know I’m on his side so far.

Almost 42, I’m so old I realize briefs are better than boxer briefs.

Guy stands in the urinal next to me and starts peeing. Dude throws on his afterburners, and I’m thinking, dude chill.
I was ready to play who can pee the longest, instead it was who can pee the hardest and I lost. So I guess you could say it’s been a rough morning.

Working in a big office building, my LinkedIn is just now people who I’ve seen enough times in the bathroom.

At universal studios, the Harry Potter portions of the park do something magical in that they convince large groups of people to want to eat British cuisine.

Why am I paying regular burger prices for smash burgers? Am I going crazy?

Go to the dentist. New dental hygienist is looking at my file. A picture pops up.
Me: wait. Is that me?
Hygienist opens the picture back up: yeah. They took it when you first came, six years ago.
Me: it's been a rough six years.
Hygienist: looks like it.
Me: :|

The @defunctland.bsky.social fast pass episode is still the best reveal I got this year in any medium.

Go to log into my iMac and It asks me to put in a password, the bane of my existence. I start entering the usual set of passwords to no luck. I chuckle and start going through more and more number combinations. Finally I see where you can have a hint. Click the button and my hint is "easy." Crap.