My occult days are over! As a Christian, I'm praying liturgies to God to please please PLEASE keep my exes at bay.

I told a group of single young men that sex isn't crucial for a fulfilling life, even though I have sex with my wife four times a week.

We are all doomed. I once worked at a school. After my first week on the job, the Gen Alpha kids started shipping me with the most toxic coworker on campus. The moment they began drawing our OCs, I walked right out.

Locking up a whole bunch of men into a room. None can come out until God is pleased.

“Use of this dragon cartoon logo is not only distracting, it is juvenile and impertinent,” the judge wrote. “The Court is not a cartoon.”

I get violent episodes of painful and dark visions whenever I hear the band Fun playing.

The anxiety of being lost in something you do not comprehend because it's outside of logic, stepping into a situation that you cannot escape from because you didn't get all the facts in order, and being around unpredictable people who lead you to have more questions than answers.

This is...

Where did all this blood come from?

The moon looks so pretty tonight

Here is a list of what the Furries would think my fursona would be:

-an otter

-a yellow-bodied and green polka-dotted female wolf named Lemon

-fluffy female calico

-Mr. Clean

-a sphinx cat

-a sky-blue bat

-and a pony named Twinky Toes

My collection is ever-expanding

My non-native mother once came up to a Native American chief when I was a tot and asked to give me a name. The wise old man looked at me and then said to her, "He shall be called, 'Takes His Time.'" My mother was in awe and proudly told me this story when I was older...

I think he called me Slow.

Finding the secret meat tunnel under our school janitor's shed was not on my bingo card