*unless they've had a discussion that carefully outlines the parameters of their sexual interaction. a contract even. sexuality is not static and tops/bottoms are not the fucking omegaverse

EXACTLY this. the hypothetical is so easy; trying to make anything substantial of it is a sisyphean task. i know it's just "to do it you must simply do it" but the feeling afterwards is within spitting distance of regretful sex that im like. i would rather die

this is a depressin 🤝 of solidarity but... seriously, why is so hard! especially when there are folks around us who either have similar trauma or enough of their own & yet they're trucking on, determined out of spite. meanwhile our brains lying to us about how we're the grosses of the gross

it out of prurient desire i'd be set! fuckin set even! but i'm not, mb bc i've seen and done it all in my youth & now im tired, and/or bc my brain has body blindness as well as face blindness. idk. i'm frustrated w my own mental blocks making creativity so difficult

this thread brought to you by my main's tl which is full of either big tits & abs, or insanely broad hips, or super sweaty & ms painted onomatopoeia, & i feel flat out ambivalent & sometimes even irritated of the same thing over & over bc it's like, if i could just be into all of this & focused on

i literally do not know how to get rid of the shame, even to just write it. or gpose it. or talk about ocs w friends about it. like it all feels Bad to me, which ofc means im depressed about it, which entrenches the shame.

i just wanna have fun w my characters you know

(meanwhile i was using sex as a maladaptive coping mechanism, mostly punishing myself w men but not always) so now that im older and don't give a shit & want to just write sex as a part of the human condition, EVEN HERE, MY DOMAIN, i'm like "well but why. i should be ashamed of myself."

vanilla, as the pitfall trap of "deviancy." i grew up w them, essentially, & had other friends (&exes Lol) who saw sex as private & not talked about but if it were discovered i was doing it wrong or ~leaving my wheelhouse all of a sudden i was no better than a lecherous pervert

i need to get weirder is what i'm saying

embrace that more philosophically & not just literally... literally literally...

sorry hi i've not posted here in ages & i came back waxing philosophical anyway

w this very thing) turns off is what ~appeals to me. i'm not saying every time i write or depict sex it MUST be somehow based in reality, sometimes you wanna just go buckwild & that's totally cool, i just want the cake & to eat it also... i MUST conquer my perfectionalism... sex is messy & i should

basically i really try to thread the needle. it's just Personally more interesting to me than handwaving anything or just jumping in w both feet. i genuinely wish i could just turn off my brain but the fact higher function GENERALLY (not fully & not always; i've had adhd partners & they struggle