I suppose it depends on whether the male writers are writing for accuracy or for their presumably predominantly male audience. It is possible the latter approve of the fantasy. (I'm kidding, at least sort of.)

Sorry, I don't have much to offer. I mostly work with Postgres through Java/Spring, and use pgAdmin for admin stuff. I don't even try to do the Notes-like stuff in anything else. (I still do Notes work, but all backend and not for the same projects.)

"Fell"?

That is wild. It doesn't surprise me that it repeats a falsehood, but that it repeats your falsehood is cool.

Whatever makes you happier is worth doing.

I spent years using Notes/Domino databases. They were great back in the day, but I am relieved to be using SQL now most of the time.