bimmer
@bimmer.beige.party.ap.brid.gy
software dev • huge nerd • certified shitposter • socialist • car enthusiast • ally
those interested in doing some vidya/jackbox on weekends should join my discord […]
🌉 bridged from ⁂ https://beige.party/@bimmer, follow @ap.brid.gy to interact
those interested in doing some vidya/jackbox on weekends should join my discord […]
🌉 bridged from ⁂ https://beige.party/@bimmer, follow @ap.brid.gy to interact
Reposted by bimmer
January 17, 2026 at 7:47 PM
All these wizards are all, 'I cast fireball' and 'I cast chain lightning', nothing but hacks.
I CAST:
FOOTLONG FORESKIN
I CAST:
FOOTLONG FORESKIN
January 17, 2026 at 1:45 PM
All these wizards are all, 'I cast fireball' and 'I cast chain lightning', nothing but hacks.
I CAST:
FOOTLONG FORESKIN
I CAST:
FOOTLONG FORESKIN
damaged but doable
January 16, 2026 at 11:53 PM
damaged but doable
tampons but they expand into dinosaur shapes when removed from the vagoo 🦖🦕
January 16, 2026 at 8:20 PM
tampons but they expand into dinosaur shapes when removed from the vagoo 🦖🦕
Reposted by bimmer
In like six months or so we’re gonna have some wild undercover investigative pieces from journalists who got jobs as ICE agents huh
January 16, 2026 at 2:20 AM
In like six months or so we’re gonna have some wild undercover investigative pieces from journalists who got jobs as ICE agents huh
Reposted by bimmer
I’d bet on it www.motherjones.com/politics/201...
Private prisons are shrouded in secrecy. I took a job as a guard to get inside—then things got crazy
This is the biggest investigation we’ve ever published.
www.motherjones.com
January 16, 2026 at 2:23 AM
I’d bet on it www.motherjones.com/politics/201...
Reposted by bimmer
i can't believe i have to write this PSA but holy shit don't talk about the crimes you're committing on social media, even if that social media is the fediverse. that should be common sense
January 16, 2026 at 11:00 AM
i can't believe i have to write this PSA but holy shit don't talk about the crimes you're committing on social media, even if that social media is the fediverse. that should be common sense
the jellyfish jam stays on during sex
January 15, 2026 at 8:16 PM
the jellyfish jam stays on during sex
Reposted by bimmer
I have coined a term that I commend to your use: **dolphin numbers**. It's a dolphin number if it's _cetacean needed_. 😃 Get it? Get it?
I read a doc today where someone talked about "86% faster incident response" with nothing for numerator, denominator, or even how they arrived at that […]
I read a doc today where someone talked about "86% faster incident response" with nothing for numerator, denominator, or even how they arrived at that […]
Original post on infosec.exchange
infosec.exchange
January 15, 2026 at 6:46 PM
I have coined a term that I commend to your use: **dolphin numbers**. It's a dolphin number if it's _cetacean needed_. 😃 Get it? Get it?
I read a doc today where someone talked about "86% faster incident response" with nothing for numerator, denominator, or even how they arrived at that […]
I read a doc today where someone talked about "86% faster incident response" with nothing for numerator, denominator, or even how they arrived at that […]
Reposted by bimmer
My 3yo demanded apples with ketchup this morning. Horrible but, fine, if that’s what you want, you got it. Then he asked if I wanted to taste it. I obviously did not. This mofo turned these tables on my so quick with a “you don’t have to eat the whole thing but at least try it”
Let me tell you […]
Let me tell you […]
Original post on sfba.social
sfba.social
January 14, 2026 at 7:40 PM
My 3yo demanded apples with ketchup this morning. Horrible but, fine, if that’s what you want, you got it. Then he asked if I wanted to taste it. I obviously did not. This mofo turned these tables on my so quick with a “you don’t have to eat the whole thing but at least try it”
Let me tell you […]
Let me tell you […]
Reposted by bimmer
Due to an influx of spam escaping Gmail's anti-spam measure, I have had to create a filter that routes all messages containing "MILF" straight to the spam folder. I apologize in advance to any legitimate MILFs attempting to contact me.
January 15, 2026 at 6:02 PM
Due to an influx of spam escaping Gmail's anti-spam measure, I have had to create a filter that routes all messages containing "MILF" straight to the spam folder. I apologize in advance to any legitimate MILFs attempting to contact me.
Reposted by bimmer
OH: “your accent is generic Eastern European gay person”
January 14, 2026 at 8:26 PM
OH: “your accent is generic Eastern European gay person”
Reposted by bimmer
opening the file explorer in windows and watching it incredibly slowly load each individual bit of UI is crazy :neofox_floof_explode:
January 14, 2026 at 5:35 PM
opening the file explorer in windows and watching it incredibly slowly load each individual bit of UI is crazy :neofox_floof_explode:
Reposted by bimmer
2026 better contain bug fixes and improvements
January 2, 2026 at 6:24 PM
2026 better contain bug fixes and improvements
Reposted by bimmer
"The only safe space in the US now is in the Epstein files."
(Sign seen on a freeway overpass in the US.)
(Sign seen on a freeway overpass in the US.)
January 14, 2026 at 4:30 PM
"The only safe space in the US now is in the Epstein files."
(Sign seen on a freeway overpass in the US.)
(Sign seen on a freeway overpass in the US.)
Reposted by bimmer
99% of smart home crap just feels like
why is it connected to the internet? so it can get updates
why does it need updates? because it's connected to the internet
why is it connected to the internet? so it can get updates
why does it need updates? because it's connected to the internet
January 14, 2026 at 11:15 AM
99% of smart home crap just feels like
why is it connected to the internet? so it can get updates
why does it need updates? because it's connected to the internet
why is it connected to the internet? so it can get updates
why does it need updates? because it's connected to the internet
Reposted by bimmer
ME: Did you send me an email about the Budget Foresight meeting?
PEER: Yeah, why?
ME: You might want to check your autocorrect when you send these from your phone. Unless we are actually having a meeting about budget foreskins.
PEER: Oh fuck.
PEER: Yeah, why?
ME: You might want to check your autocorrect when you send these from your phone. Unless we are actually having a meeting about budget foreskins.
PEER: Oh fuck.
January 14, 2026 at 2:52 PM
ME: Did you send me an email about the Budget Foresight meeting?
PEER: Yeah, why?
ME: You might want to check your autocorrect when you send these from your phone. Unless we are actually having a meeting about budget foreskins.
PEER: Oh fuck.
PEER: Yeah, why?
ME: You might want to check your autocorrect when you send these from your phone. Unless we are actually having a meeting about budget foreskins.
PEER: Oh fuck.
Reposted by bimmer
So this doctor has done circumcisions for 20 years. And because he hates waste, he kept all the foreskins in formaldehyde. Go with me on this, it’s a joke.
One day he takes all the foreskins to a leather worker, and asks what can be made from them. The leather worker tells him to come back in a […]
One day he takes all the foreskins to a leather worker, and asks what can be made from them. The leather worker tells him to come back in a […]
Original post on meow.social
meow.social
January 14, 2026 at 2:54 PM
So this doctor has done circumcisions for 20 years. And because he hates waste, he kept all the foreskins in formaldehyde. Go with me on this, it’s a joke.
One day he takes all the foreskins to a leather worker, and asks what can be made from them. The leather worker tells him to come back in a […]
One day he takes all the foreskins to a leather worker, and asks what can be made from them. The leather worker tells him to come back in a […]