i'm not calling my senator okay I am building a guillotine

the chances of me ever getting to throw a molatov cocktail get higher and higher every day

if the president’s lackeys can functionally seize control of treasury funds and dismantle a congressionally-created agency without consequence, it’s not that it’s a constitutional crisis as much as it means the constitution is vapor.

making a man listen to the 12 minute Mac Miller song that's just three minutes of a phone ringing at the end in it's entirety before we go out to dinner

Jupiter + 3 of its moons tonight

i dont want followers, i prefer to not be appreciated in my own time

duolingo do not call me ‘babe’ i swear to fucking god

one time someone told me that liability by lorde reminded them of me, which in retrospect is kind of mean

i do like this app cause i read 40 news bits, 1 okay joke and then put my phone down

look im sorry i publicly stated you were so pathetic it should be on the national geographic, i didnt really mean that

i am on bluesky

nobody is sincere on social media anymore, you see a photo about a guy on a farm introducing you to a new baby chick and you check out his bio and he has a skincare line about it

I'm definitely old nowbecause all my suggested friends on Instagram are all people from college's dogs

part of the reason that centering the gaza discourse around hamas is so fruitless is that there's no group of people on this planet who, if placed into an open air prison then bombed and starved for decades on end, would not develop militant movements with insular, reactionary politics

A great way to motivate yourself to clean your room is to play a game called What If My Apartment Were a Crime Scene