Dating apps get you to pay so you’ll come up first in other people’s feeds. I don’t wanna be first. I’ll pay to come up after the five absolute worst profiles you’ve ever seen. Wow, okay? He’s not so bad!

The Duolingo owl is dead because one of the Trump kids illegally hunted and shot him.

He’s going to apologize to Drake over a Pepsi.

How long until we get Cyberplanes exploding in the air?

Not now Random Word Generator!

Wisconsin, let’s do something!

Get on the apps like rest of us, Dave!

I’m sorry, I just don’t believe that every one of those oils is truly essential.

Any white person who watches The Six Triple Eight should have to watch Nickel Boys, too.

Literal hot take: The Hot Ones guy is a better interviewer than Terry Gross.

What a fun little treasure hunt, Powerpoint, you absolute piece of shit.

The good news? The hair around your junk gets its very own name!
The bad news? The name is pubes.

This sounds like the opening lyrics to an absolute banger of a song.