I too fell short of winning a Nobel prize
October 10, 2025 at 7:33 PM
I too fell short of winning a Nobel prize
I’d be more likely to quit drinking if those tracker apps had a streak freeze like Duolingo. 250 gems and we pretend no one broke sobriety.
September 30, 2025 at 4:38 PM
I’d be more likely to quit drinking if those tracker apps had a streak freeze like Duolingo. 250 gems and we pretend no one broke sobriety.
I spilled my protein shake all over my pants trying to get the remaining peanut butter cups out, if you’re looking for a new Aesop fable
September 29, 2025 at 8:15 PM
I spilled my protein shake all over my pants trying to get the remaining peanut butter cups out, if you’re looking for a new Aesop fable
The pit boss asked me to leave the blackjack table when he saw my Kirkland Signature Extra Strength Acetaminophen bottle
September 26, 2025 at 4:18 PM
The pit boss asked me to leave the blackjack table when he saw my Kirkland Signature Extra Strength Acetaminophen bottle
I feel like airlines are all run by former gym owners. “You mean all the people we sold to showed up??”
September 26, 2025 at 12:54 PM
I feel like airlines are all run by former gym owners. “You mean all the people we sold to showed up??”
I lost a comedy competition so now I’m forced to play fantasy football
September 21, 2025 at 6:25 PM
I lost a comedy competition so now I’m forced to play fantasy football
I find it a little odd that in Wall Street they never mention the events of Ghostbusters. Its almost like they don’t want to admit they share a universe
September 10, 2025 at 3:01 AM
I find it a little odd that in Wall Street they never mention the events of Ghostbusters. Its almost like they don’t want to admit they share a universe
Glade butt plugin
September 8, 2025 at 3:21 AM
Glade butt plugin
Me in Star Trek: …and just step right into the holodeck…
computer, begin program “dutchoven” and close door
computer, begin program “dutchoven” and close door
September 8, 2025 at 12:47 AM
Me in Star Trek: …and just step right into the holodeck…
computer, begin program “dutchoven” and close door
computer, begin program “dutchoven” and close door
My fiancé said she didn’t think I could play trombone and has no idea what she’s brought upon herself
September 7, 2025 at 10:51 PM
My fiancé said she didn’t think I could play trombone and has no idea what she’s brought upon herself
America’s Next Top Bottom
September 5, 2025 at 3:51 AM
America’s Next Top Bottom
She hashed on my browns till I casseroled
August 27, 2025 at 4:43 PM
She hashed on my browns till I casseroled
Cracker Barrel? I barely know her!
August 27, 2025 at 4:37 PM
Cracker Barrel? I barely know her!
I can always tell when I’m making progress on my diet because the devil will send free food to my work
August 19, 2025 at 5:24 PM
I can always tell when I’m making progress on my diet because the devil will send free food to my work
“Can we meet in the afternoon instead?” Of course! I’d love to think about this and nothing else all day.
August 11, 2025 at 9:22 PM
“Can we meet in the afternoon instead?” Of course! I’d love to think about this and nothing else all day.
Marketing AI: I saw you were looking for 3xl items, maybe I could interest you in a Medium?
August 10, 2025 at 7:53 PM
Marketing AI: I saw you were looking for 3xl items, maybe I could interest you in a Medium?
If you’re in Germantown, TN September 6th, come have some laughs with us!
August 6, 2025 at 3:26 PM
If you’re in Germantown, TN September 6th, come have some laughs with us!
I don’t want to be micromanaged but also please tell me how to do each individual step
August 1, 2025 at 4:36 AM
I don’t want to be micromanaged but also please tell me how to do each individual step
*me running sound at a show*
*changes absolutely nothing*
ok try it now
*changes absolutely nothing*
ok try it now
July 11, 2025 at 12:46 AM
*me running sound at a show*
*changes absolutely nothing*
ok try it now
*changes absolutely nothing*
ok try it now
I can’t believe the Romans tried 3 other ways to deliver medicine before they invented the IV
June 20, 2025 at 11:11 PM
I can’t believe the Romans tried 3 other ways to deliver medicine before they invented the IV
I barely pass as straight. My last report card was a D minus
June 12, 2025 at 11:55 PM
I barely pass as straight. My last report card was a D minus
When my fiancé uses high quality meat she calls them Shish Ke-Roberts
June 8, 2025 at 1:54 PM
When my fiancé uses high quality meat she calls them Shish Ke-Roberts