Ben
@benjaminbrenner.bsky.social
Cat roommate, hot sauce enthusiast and occasional drummer.
Peter Steele is the closest our world ever got to a real life goth muppet.
January 21, 2026 at 11:00 PM
Peter Steele is the closest our world ever got to a real life goth muppet.
Santa accidentally gave me a hippopotamus for Christmas and now I'm legally responsible for 9 deaths and 78 million dollars worth of property damage.
December 26, 2025 at 5:23 PM
Santa accidentally gave me a hippopotamus for Christmas and now I'm legally responsible for 9 deaths and 78 million dollars worth of property damage.
The fact that Trump didn't win the Noble Prize for Physics is PROOF that the Nobel committee has been co-opted by Antifa and should be labeled as terrorists immediately.
October 13, 2025 at 9:50 PM
The fact that Trump didn't win the Noble Prize for Physics is PROOF that the Nobel committee has been co-opted by Antifa and should be labeled as terrorists immediately.
Facts don't care about YOUR feelings but they consider mine to be of the utmost importance.
August 25, 2025 at 5:25 AM
Facts don't care about YOUR feelings but they consider mine to be of the utmost importance.
Breaking News: Capitulating to the demands of the Trump administration, The Food Network has agreed to ban the use of all condiments except ketchup noting that "mayonnaise was too spicy for us anyway".
July 25, 2025 at 1:40 AM
Breaking News: Capitulating to the demands of the Trump administration, The Food Network has agreed to ban the use of all condiments except ketchup noting that "mayonnaise was too spicy for us anyway".
Backstreet Boys really missed their calling playing power violence.
July 23, 2025 at 5:28 PM
Backstreet Boys really missed their calling playing power violence.
I can't prove it but I've suspected for years that Jacksonville Beach spontaneously sprung into existence the moment Sublime released their first album.
April 24, 2025 at 5:47 AM
I can't prove it but I've suspected for years that Jacksonville Beach spontaneously sprung into existence the moment Sublime released their first album.
If 10% is enough for God then it should be enough for the IRS. The fact that I haven't tithed in years just means the IRS needs to lower their expectations.
January 12, 2025 at 10:17 PM
If 10% is enough for God then it should be enough for the IRS. The fact that I haven't tithed in years just means the IRS needs to lower their expectations.
Pure Flix: For When The Hallmark Channel Is Too Woke!
December 31, 2024 at 12:29 AM
Pure Flix: For When The Hallmark Channel Is Too Woke!
Nothing says "Alpha male" like a Cyber Truck painted in camo.
December 12, 2024 at 10:38 PM
Nothing says "Alpha male" like a Cyber Truck painted in camo.
Watching people try to walk into Hobby Lobby on a Sunday is the pick me up I didn't know I needed.
December 9, 2024 at 2:19 PM
Watching people try to walk into Hobby Lobby on a Sunday is the pick me up I didn't know I needed.
Enjoy the leopards, everybody. You earned them.
November 7, 2024 at 3:30 PM
Enjoy the leopards, everybody. You earned them.
Not sending me $50 on Cashapp is cultural Marxism.
October 31, 2024 at 7:38 PM
Not sending me $50 on Cashapp is cultural Marxism.
I'm expecting all of my conservative friends to be as scandalized by Post Malone's new country record as they were by Beyonce's.
August 16, 2024 at 5:56 PM
I'm expecting all of my conservative friends to be as scandalized by Post Malone's new country record as they were by Beyonce's.
Pearl Jam is the U2 of grunge.
May 27, 2024 at 9:46 PM
Pearl Jam is the U2 of grunge.
You ever think about how lucky we all are to be alive during the golden age of Faerie smut?
April 20, 2024 at 11:58 PM
You ever think about how lucky we all are to be alive during the golden age of Faerie smut?
" I am a warrior, so that my son may be a merchant, so that his son may be a poet, so that his son may have a podcast about niche soda brands." - John Quincy Adams
March 25, 2024 at 3:56 AM
" I am a warrior, so that my son may be a merchant, so that his son may be a poet, so that his son may have a podcast about niche soda brands." - John Quincy Adams
"Abundant sunshine" is how I like my weather reports to begin.
March 21, 2024 at 1:26 PM
"Abundant sunshine" is how I like my weather reports to begin.
Whenever I fill out a customer survey I always emphatically declare the delightfulness of whoever I interacted with and recommend they get a raise.
No idea if they ever do get a raise. I hope so.
They were delightful.
No idea if they ever do get a raise. I hope so.
They were delightful.
January 27, 2024 at 6:27 PM
Whenever I fill out a customer survey I always emphatically declare the delightfulness of whoever I interacted with and recommend they get a raise.
No idea if they ever do get a raise. I hope so.
They were delightful.
No idea if they ever do get a raise. I hope so.
They were delightful.