Me, Another Me, and the Odd Dog
@beffie.bsky.social
A humorous slice-of-life feed by E. Stoops. Guaranteed to cheer you up. Need a stronger dose of the good stuff? Check out my novels over at https://www.amazon.com/stores/E.-Stoops/author/B0072AIFRQ.
#booksky
#booksky
Oh hey, it's that time of year where I need to remind people that antique chamber pots and pissors look almost exactly like soup tureens and gravy boats.
Those of you with unlikable family members, I expect you to use this knowledge wisely.
Those of you with unlikable family members, I expect you to use this knowledge wisely.
December 3, 2025 at 7:27 PM
Oh hey, it's that time of year where I need to remind people that antique chamber pots and pissors look almost exactly like soup tureens and gravy boats.
Those of you with unlikable family members, I expect you to use this knowledge wisely.
Those of you with unlikable family members, I expect you to use this knowledge wisely.
The other day I was stuck in three-lane-merge situation in heavy traffic. Some Dood in a fancy SUV tried to cut me off.
His automatic braking feature and lane guidance system kicked in, slammed on his brakes and jerked his car back into his lane.
I've never been a fan before now, but ok.
His automatic braking feature and lane guidance system kicked in, slammed on his brakes and jerked his car back into his lane.
I've never been a fan before now, but ok.
December 3, 2025 at 7:23 PM
The other day I was stuck in three-lane-merge situation in heavy traffic. Some Dood in a fancy SUV tried to cut me off.
His automatic braking feature and lane guidance system kicked in, slammed on his brakes and jerked his car back into his lane.
I've never been a fan before now, but ok.
His automatic braking feature and lane guidance system kicked in, slammed on his brakes and jerked his car back into his lane.
I've never been a fan before now, but ok.
The awkward reality that all historians face eventually: those so called plague pits of antiquity are frequently indistinguishable from mass graves associated with genocide.
October 24, 2025 at 3:25 AM
The awkward reality that all historians face eventually: those so called plague pits of antiquity are frequently indistinguishable from mass graves associated with genocide.
My mother: You have to speak directly to my face so I can hear you.
Also my mother: *walks into a different room, sticks her head in a deep cabinet and then starts giving me instructions*
Also my mother: *walks into a different room, sticks her head in a deep cabinet and then starts giving me instructions*
September 22, 2025 at 5:40 PM
My mother: You have to speak directly to my face so I can hear you.
Also my mother: *walks into a different room, sticks her head in a deep cabinet and then starts giving me instructions*
Also my mother: *walks into a different room, sticks her head in a deep cabinet and then starts giving me instructions*
What I thought being a historian would be like: wandering around in a living history museum in amazing duds.
What it actually is like: explaining to your friend that lead isn't a odorless, tasteless "perfect" poison. It's an agreeable tasting perfect poison. (It's sweet.)
What it actually is like: explaining to your friend that lead isn't a odorless, tasteless "perfect" poison. It's an agreeable tasting perfect poison. (It's sweet.)
September 5, 2025 at 5:49 AM
What I thought being a historian would be like: wandering around in a living history museum in amazing duds.
What it actually is like: explaining to your friend that lead isn't a odorless, tasteless "perfect" poison. It's an agreeable tasting perfect poison. (It's sweet.)
What it actually is like: explaining to your friend that lead isn't a odorless, tasteless "perfect" poison. It's an agreeable tasting perfect poison. (It's sweet.)
Bestie: I don't know where Trump gets off.
Me: Epstein Island.
Bestie: *flustered* Oh god.
Me: (sunglasssesmeme.gif)
Bestie: You aren't wrong.
Me: Thanks, you hate it?
Bestie: Yes.
Me: Epstein Island.
Bestie: *flustered* Oh god.
Me: (sunglasssesmeme.gif)
Bestie: You aren't wrong.
Me: Thanks, you hate it?
Bestie: Yes.
August 14, 2025 at 5:07 AM
Bestie: I don't know where Trump gets off.
Me: Epstein Island.
Bestie: *flustered* Oh god.
Me: (sunglasssesmeme.gif)
Bestie: You aren't wrong.
Me: Thanks, you hate it?
Bestie: Yes.
Me: Epstein Island.
Bestie: *flustered* Oh god.
Me: (sunglasssesmeme.gif)
Bestie: You aren't wrong.
Me: Thanks, you hate it?
Bestie: Yes.
You can buy the wildest stuff in the rural parts of the USA. I mean, stuff you probably should have a permit to own, let alone use.
There is an entire Ferris wheel carnival ride near me for 25k. You haul.
There is an entire Ferris wheel carnival ride near me for 25k. You haul.
July 26, 2025 at 4:48 PM
You can buy the wildest stuff in the rural parts of the USA. I mean, stuff you probably should have a permit to own, let alone use.
There is an entire Ferris wheel carnival ride near me for 25k. You haul.
There is an entire Ferris wheel carnival ride near me for 25k. You haul.
If you are bombing around the edge waters of reddit and you see a seemingly made up subreddit name that is weirdly specific and can't possibly be a real thing and is definitely a cheap dig at the comment above it...
Do yourself a favor. Leave the link blue.
Do yourself a favor. Leave the link blue.
July 9, 2025 at 6:18 AM
If you are bombing around the edge waters of reddit and you see a seemingly made up subreddit name that is weirdly specific and can't possibly be a real thing and is definitely a cheap dig at the comment above it...
Do yourself a favor. Leave the link blue.
Do yourself a favor. Leave the link blue.
Context: a Subaru is turning 20.
Me: Well, it's almost time to pick out your bumper stick theme. Jesusmobile, Outdoor Hippie, Extreme Liberal or Lesbian.
Friend: *laughing* Oh, I don't want bumper stickers.
Me: Better sell your car.
Friend: ... is it too late to choose "Lesbian?"
Me: ...weellll...
Me: Well, it's almost time to pick out your bumper stick theme. Jesusmobile, Outdoor Hippie, Extreme Liberal or Lesbian.
Friend: *laughing* Oh, I don't want bumper stickers.
Me: Better sell your car.
Friend: ... is it too late to choose "Lesbian?"
Me: ...weellll...
July 4, 2025 at 10:42 PM
Context: a Subaru is turning 20.
Me: Well, it's almost time to pick out your bumper stick theme. Jesusmobile, Outdoor Hippie, Extreme Liberal or Lesbian.
Friend: *laughing* Oh, I don't want bumper stickers.
Me: Better sell your car.
Friend: ... is it too late to choose "Lesbian?"
Me: ...weellll...
Me: Well, it's almost time to pick out your bumper stick theme. Jesusmobile, Outdoor Hippie, Extreme Liberal or Lesbian.
Friend: *laughing* Oh, I don't want bumper stickers.
Me: Better sell your car.
Friend: ... is it too late to choose "Lesbian?"
Me: ...weellll...
Legzilla: I would like very much to snuggle with you, or perhaps simply gaze adoringly into your eyes, mayhaps it is time for us to speak of many things?
ME: *starts setting up for a shower*
Legzilla: *teleports to the living room* Or perhaps you don't need me just now, at all, I hope?
ME: *starts setting up for a shower*
Legzilla: *teleports to the living room* Or perhaps you don't need me just now, at all, I hope?
June 28, 2025 at 5:17 PM
Legzilla: I would like very much to snuggle with you, or perhaps simply gaze adoringly into your eyes, mayhaps it is time for us to speak of many things?
ME: *starts setting up for a shower*
Legzilla: *teleports to the living room* Or perhaps you don't need me just now, at all, I hope?
ME: *starts setting up for a shower*
Legzilla: *teleports to the living room* Or perhaps you don't need me just now, at all, I hope?
Me: The problem with the purge is that you'd probably have to commit accessory crimes after the time limit. Sure, you can rob the bank, but two weeks later they get you for paying with stolen bills. And you can murder someone, but can you completely--
My friends: Shut up and watch the movie.
My friends: Shut up and watch the movie.
June 27, 2025 at 10:33 PM
Me: The problem with the purge is that you'd probably have to commit accessory crimes after the time limit. Sure, you can rob the bank, but two weeks later they get you for paying with stolen bills. And you can murder someone, but can you completely--
My friends: Shut up and watch the movie.
My friends: Shut up and watch the movie.
What I thought being a historian on the internet would be like: genteel chatter about antiquities.
What it actually is like: Explaining to people that human feces was used as an early form of biological warfare and anything that still glows in the dark 40+ years after manufacture is likely dangerous
What it actually is like: Explaining to people that human feces was used as an early form of biological warfare and anything that still glows in the dark 40+ years after manufacture is likely dangerous
June 23, 2025 at 4:31 PM
What I thought being a historian on the internet would be like: genteel chatter about antiquities.
What it actually is like: Explaining to people that human feces was used as an early form of biological warfare and anything that still glows in the dark 40+ years after manufacture is likely dangerous
What it actually is like: Explaining to people that human feces was used as an early form of biological warfare and anything that still glows in the dark 40+ years after manufacture is likely dangerous
Me: in the shower, where I can temporarily breath and smell because my allergies are smothering me this year
Legzilla: it would be a real shame if someone tore ass right now when you nose was free flowing. A REAL SHAME.
It was folks, it was.
Legzilla: it would be a real shame if someone tore ass right now when you nose was free flowing. A REAL SHAME.
It was folks, it was.
June 18, 2025 at 12:00 AM
Me: in the shower, where I can temporarily breath and smell because my allergies are smothering me this year
Legzilla: it would be a real shame if someone tore ass right now when you nose was free flowing. A REAL SHAME.
It was folks, it was.
Legzilla: it would be a real shame if someone tore ass right now when you nose was free flowing. A REAL SHAME.
It was folks, it was.
Legzilla: *lets it rip*
Paint on the wall: *peels*
Paint on the wall: *peels*
June 16, 2025 at 1:52 AM
Legzilla: *lets it rip*
Paint on the wall: *peels*
Paint on the wall: *peels*
Hot Historical Take: the Great Pyramid is in fact a great machine that does something we don't understand, not a tomb. The reason for the sarcophagus? Engineers simply told poorly behaved Pharohs that they needed to die to power it or the whatever would break.
June 10, 2025 at 11:04 PM
Hot Historical Take: the Great Pyramid is in fact a great machine that does something we don't understand, not a tomb. The reason for the sarcophagus? Engineers simply told poorly behaved Pharohs that they needed to die to power it or the whatever would break.
Does anyone else, upon encountering slang on the internet, have an entire sanity assessment checklist they review before checking Urban Dictionary?
Not asking for a friend.
Not asking for a friend.
May 30, 2025 at 1:18 AM
Does anyone else, upon encountering slang on the internet, have an entire sanity assessment checklist they review before checking Urban Dictionary?
Not asking for a friend.
Not asking for a friend.
I love that my best friend has consistently encouraged me to drop some juicy brick jokes into my writing.
May 21, 2025 at 2:18 AM
I love that my best friend has consistently encouraged me to drop some juicy brick jokes into my writing.
Friend: Do *people* keep star charts next to the door, is that a *people* thing or is that a *you* thing?
Me: I... I don't recall becoming an authority on *people* at any time between birth and right now.
Me: I... I don't recall becoming an authority on *people* at any time between birth and right now.
May 17, 2025 at 7:19 PM
Friend: Do *people* keep star charts next to the door, is that a *people* thing or is that a *you* thing?
Me: I... I don't recall becoming an authority on *people* at any time between birth and right now.
Me: I... I don't recall becoming an authority on *people* at any time between birth and right now.
Due to overcrowding, officials are requesting that regular riders of the Strugglebus consider alternatives like the Struggle Light Rail, Struggle Bikes, or the good ol' Struggle Boots for their transportation needs.
May 7, 2025 at 4:59 AM
Due to overcrowding, officials are requesting that regular riders of the Strugglebus consider alternatives like the Struggle Light Rail, Struggle Bikes, or the good ol' Struggle Boots for their transportation needs.
Speaking for historians here; every time Trump says "like no one has ever seen" we're entitled to a swig of whiskey if we can think of a similar historical event within five seconds.
(Historians everywhere: hanging up the car keys for the duration.)
(Historians everywhere: hanging up the car keys for the duration.)
May 5, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Speaking for historians here; every time Trump says "like no one has ever seen" we're entitled to a swig of whiskey if we can think of a similar historical event within five seconds.
(Historians everywhere: hanging up the car keys for the duration.)
(Historians everywhere: hanging up the car keys for the duration.)
Context: *at work*
Boss: What was your goal when you were a kid and where are you now?
Another me: How are we going to screw this up?
Me: Leave it to me!
My turn comes around: "I wanted to be an upstanding citizen, but actually I'm the neighborhood weirdo."
Boss: What was your goal when you were a kid and where are you now?
Another me: How are we going to screw this up?
Me: Leave it to me!
My turn comes around: "I wanted to be an upstanding citizen, but actually I'm the neighborhood weirdo."
April 26, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Context: *at work*
Boss: What was your goal when you were a kid and where are you now?
Another me: How are we going to screw this up?
Me: Leave it to me!
My turn comes around: "I wanted to be an upstanding citizen, but actually I'm the neighborhood weirdo."
Boss: What was your goal when you were a kid and where are you now?
Another me: How are we going to screw this up?
Me: Leave it to me!
My turn comes around: "I wanted to be an upstanding citizen, but actually I'm the neighborhood weirdo."
Me: *explaining why long-term drug dealers tend to make pretty good neighbors on account of the fact that they know they need to not attract notice*
Me: *to the camera* This is not something I expected to be defending when I was younger.
Me: *to the camera* This is not something I expected to be defending when I was younger.
April 26, 2025 at 6:06 PM
Me: *explaining why long-term drug dealers tend to make pretty good neighbors on account of the fact that they know they need to not attract notice*
Me: *to the camera* This is not something I expected to be defending when I was younger.
Me: *to the camera* This is not something I expected to be defending when I was younger.
My protest of one has shown that support for Trump is drying up and blowing away. The first time I went out, 2:1 ration of cheers to jeers. Second time, 3:1. Fourth time I went out, 7:2. Today? Not a single jeer. Not one. In a blood red town.
“The best part of this was realizing how much support there actually is in my town. I had no idea.” That’s the magic of showing up. You helped people feel less alone in places where they’ve felt isolated for far too long.
April 19, 2025 at 9:38 PM
My protest of one has shown that support for Trump is drying up and blowing away. The first time I went out, 2:1 ration of cheers to jeers. Second time, 3:1. Fourth time I went out, 7:2. Today? Not a single jeer. Not one. In a blood red town.
Some Dude on Reddit: "One Piece at a Time" couldn't really happen, right? You could never smuggle all of that out of a jobsite.
Warehouse workers: *awkward glances*
Construction workers: "I once stole an entire house. No one saw nothin'."
Warehouse workers: *awkward glances*
Construction workers: "I once stole an entire house. No one saw nothin'."
April 17, 2025 at 1:51 AM
Some Dude on Reddit: "One Piece at a Time" couldn't really happen, right? You could never smuggle all of that out of a jobsite.
Warehouse workers: *awkward glances*
Construction workers: "I once stole an entire house. No one saw nothin'."
Warehouse workers: *awkward glances*
Construction workers: "I once stole an entire house. No one saw nothin'."
Me: *explaining what not to do with a coke bottle, some stuff from the garage, a few more items from under the kitchen sink, and one magic ingredient.*
Friend: "I thought you were the drugs kind of chemist."
Me: "Well, tough times means I'm diversifying into the bombs type of chemistry too."
Friend: "I thought you were the drugs kind of chemist."
Me: "Well, tough times means I'm diversifying into the bombs type of chemistry too."
April 16, 2025 at 3:34 PM
Me: *explaining what not to do with a coke bottle, some stuff from the garage, a few more items from under the kitchen sink, and one magic ingredient.*
Friend: "I thought you were the drugs kind of chemist."
Me: "Well, tough times means I'm diversifying into the bombs type of chemistry too."
Friend: "I thought you were the drugs kind of chemist."
Me: "Well, tough times means I'm diversifying into the bombs type of chemistry too."