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beelzebarb.bsky.social
beelzebarb
@beelzebarb.bsky.social
450 followers 1.2K following 1.6K posts
Native Floridian. Team Tampa Bay. Elderest of millennials. Collector of cats, ankle sprains, and marginally insane hobbies. Book nerd. Sports nerd. All-purpose nerd. World's Okayest Beer League Racecar Driver. She/her.
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beelzebarb.bsky.social
Me: I've been driving in Florida for almost 30 years. Nothing can surprise me.

Florida drivers:
A picture of the driver's side of the cab on a semi. The door has a logo on it. The driver's window is open, and their left leg is hanging out of it.
November 23, 2025 at 5:07 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
I can't tell if my fortune cookie is giving me a compliment or a sick burn
A small slip of paper from inside a fortune cookie that says "No one can compete with you on being you."
November 23, 2025 at 4:22 AM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
Somebody decided to have a go at the yarn barf while I was in the shower
A fluffy black cat sits on a bed with his back feet up in the air. He has wrapped himself in bright blue yarn. He looks startled.
November 21, 2025 at 4:11 AM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
Some personal news 🍍😎
A ripe yellow pineapple with lots of floofy green leaves sitting on my kitchen counter
November 15, 2025 at 1:24 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
The morning after Halloween, I discovered that I'd sent this text to my boyfriend. Look what I wrote. Zero of the wealthy, powerful, ostensibly brilliant individuals featured in these emails managed to put together a single sentence composed as well as the one I wrote while incandescently high.
A screenshot of a text exchange. The message I wrote is selfie of me, (a brunette, middle-aged white woman) taken with the camera so close to my face that it looks like I used a fisheye lens. I am wearing glasses. My eyes are barely open. I am trying to look at the camera. I think. I have kind of a neutral expression on my face. It is an extremely unflattering photo. Underneath it, I wrote "Do I look as high as I feel right now," with flawless grammar and spelling. The response, an hour later, simply says "Yes...."
November 12, 2025 at 11:59 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
Exactly this. The right wing is a haven for anyone looking for a loophole in the social contract.

I also suspect that this is what really drives the horseshoe theory phenomenon. It's not ideological. Glem became besties with Tucker because nobody else let him be an asshole without consequences.
As this trend went on, it reinforced itself. How many progressive celebrities, when exposed as sex pests, pivoted to the right? How many people who’d built careers on being not right-wing then made a racist remark and built a new career in the far-right’s grievance industry? How many bosses, told by their HR departments that you can’t actually treat your female colleagues like that, turned a little MAGA?
November 7, 2025 at 11:47 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
It's....pleasant outside? I don't know how to handle this.
A screenshot of my weather app showing that the current temperature here in Tampa is 71 and the low tonight is 58.
October 30, 2025 at 6:09 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
I posted this six years ago, and I still experience that agony every time I'm reminded that he exists
Screenshot of a tweet from @zoomiesbarb (me) that says "It pains me to realize that Chris Cillizza has figured out how to monetize saying stupid shit while I continue to do it for free"
October 24, 2025 at 11:56 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
I got him a leash so he could get some exercise for a change. In hindsight it's obvious he would just potato wherever I put him down.
An orange cat wearing a blue harness and leash lies in the grass and licks his nose. An orange cat on a blue leash lies on the top of the garden wall looking nonplussed.
October 8, 2025 at 9:50 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
I like this succinct and frank acknowledgement that "white people spicy" and "spicy" are two totally different things
Screenshot of an online menu giving options for spiciness levels. It says Choose your Spice: - Medium - Spicy - Indian Spicy
October 4, 2025 at 10:48 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
A Grief Observed "For in grief nothing "stays put." One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral? But if a spiral, am I going up or down it? How often -- will it be for always? -- how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, "I never realized my loss till this moment"? The same leg is cut off time after time." C.S. Lewis
September 22, 2025 at 11:26 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
September 17, 2025 at 4:33 AM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
The only thing to worry about would be hurting myself in my rush to get out the door
A handsome, young Robert Redford wearing all black, extending his hand towards the camera with a kind expression on his face.
September 16, 2025 at 7:42 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
Update: no shitshow, no copay!

And I took @abigail.cloverdalelane.com's advice and got some ice cream.
Post vax selfie. I am wearing sunglasses and smiling. In the foreground you can see my arm with two bandaids on it. One is blue with fuschia llams and the other is yellow with multicolored sloths.
September 15, 2025 at 5:44 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
Oh my god, I've become this Futurama gif. Please forgive my moment of incandescent stupidity.
September 11, 2025 at 7:48 AM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
LOOK AT THIS EXCITED GOOFBALL
A bearded dog with a smiley open mouth and BIG BOOPABLE SNOOT has his paws up on a wall. There is a chain link fence between the photographer (me) and his adorable face.
August 30, 2025 at 11:14 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
I'M GROWING A FOOD ERMAHGERD

I've been waiting 8 YEARS for that plant to produce fruit.
A pineapple plant with a little pineapple growing out of the top.
August 17, 2025 at 9:56 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
Perhaps a photo of my friend's utterly deranged kitten might help?
A wild-eyed black kitten stands on her back legs, frantically waving her little paws as she tries to catch a yellow feather toy. You can tell she is losing her ferocious little mind. A blue cat tunnel is on the floor nearby. A bed and open suitcase are visible in the background.
August 16, 2025 at 8:10 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
I never expected to do a Hunter Biden Appreciation post, but here we are.
Asked if he wished to apologize, Biden said: “Uh, fuck that, not going to happen.”
August 15, 2025 at 8:06 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
When Cuomo tries to be likeable, he comes across as sinister. When he tries to come across as sinister, he reveals himself to be a clown.
Fred from Scooby Doo reaches forward, about to pull the ghost mask off a dastardly villain. Underneath, a caption reads "OK gang, let's fucking solve this!"
August 9, 2025 at 8:16 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
absolutely losing it 💀
Mockup of a NYT headline that says In Mamdani, Some Democrats Recoil at Sight of Popularity
July 8, 2025 at 8:44 PM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
a big fan of a big fan

@darthbluesky.bsky.social
A bearded salt-and-pepper dog stands in front of a large orange appliance. The floor is concrete and stained. His tongue is hanging out, his facial hair is defying gravity, and his big black nose is PERFECT.
June 23, 2025 at 3:04 AM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
I'm gonna go ahead and assume that now is not a great time to complain about my ridiculously terrible day at the track (I'm ok), so instead, look at this faaaaaaaaace 🥰
A salt-and-pepper bearded dog with floppy ears and a GIANT BOOPABLE NOSE looks off just to the side of the camera. His pink tongue is hanging out. The same dog stares directly at me with his mouth open like he's thinking "YAAAAAAAAY" and I promise you would want to boop that PERFECT SNOOT.
June 22, 2025 at 2:05 AM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
@doress.bsky.social
Cardigan in progress
June 18, 2025 at 12:46 AM
beelzebarb.bsky.social
I meant to post this a few days ago but LOOOOOOOOK LOOK AT WHAT I MADE ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?

(I know there are a few mistakes, but she's the first serious project I've finished, and she's perfect)

@doress.bsky.social
A crocheted octopus pictured from the front. She is made of multicolored yarn. Various shades of purple and green are the most common, but there are also spots of yellow and orange. She has yellow eyes with horizontal slit-like black pupils. Her tentacles curl, and she has a giant, bulbous head. A crocheted octopus pictured from the side. She is made of multicolored yarn. Various shades of purple and green are the most common, but there are also spots of yellow and orange. She has yellow eyes with horizontal slit-like black pupils. Her tentacles curl, and she has a giant, bulbous head. You can see the deep eggplant undersides of her tentacles. A close up of a crocheted octopus taken from the top left. She is made of multicolored yarn. Various shades of purple and green are the most common, but there are also spots of yellow and orange. She has yellow eyes with horizontal slit-like black pupils. Her tentacles curl, and she has a giant, bulbous head. The undersides of her tentacles are a deep eggplant color. A closs up photo of a crocheted octopus pictured from the front. She is made of multicolored yarn. Various shades of purple and green are the most common, but there are also spots of yellow and orange. She has yellow eyes with horizontal slit-like black pupils. Her tentacles curl, and she has a giant, bulbous head.
June 13, 2025 at 12:06 AM